…and with them lots of opportunities to celebrate, indulge, gain friends, touch base with family and generally enjoy planning what we will do in 2024.
2023 has been a very difficult year. I won’t be sad to say goodbye. On the other hand, my weight loss has been a boost and not something I take for granted. The total for the two years that I have invested in my health has shown that I can sustain a healthy routine. I am proud of me for that. I am just a couple of pounds away from my goal…but boy are they taking a long time to come off. But they will.
If you have been a loyal reader of this blog, I thank you. I realize my posts have been erratic.
I reached my 25 lb. goal loss on Sunday. I am very pleased. I have also done decently (not word count but at least logging in almost daily) in my efforts at NaNoWriMo. I procrastinate. I know that but while I procrastinate at writing in a focused way for one story at a time, I do other things. Such as run the household and everything that is connected to that. It’s a lot of work. At times, though, it sounds like excuses.
My writing life has never had the priority it should have. Everyone else’s needs have come before mine except I do have to admit that the reason for that is because my most pressing need has been to have peace at all costs. That simply has meant that rather than fight about a dirty house, mountains of laundry, shopping, cooking, etc. I accept that writing has to take a back burner until I have time to devote to it.
I have recently allowed myself the luxury of contemplating my navel as it were. Did the sky fall? Hardly. In fact, I don’t think my husband notices that the floor is swept of debris but not mopped. Not only does he not notice, he couldn’t care less. So what have I been so concerned about? No one comes to visit regularly anymore, everyone has gotten used to the Covid behaviors and I think I am okay with that.
My blogs are all prepared for this week. I even wrote on Medium, a platform I paid for that I hardly use and decided it is not for me. But I won’t bash it because many people are successfully making big bucks. I am content to continue to depend on other revenue streams (my modest social security check and my husband) until a crisis hits, which I don’t anticipate.
In the meantime, WW has changed its program unexpectedly but it won’t affect me very much since I had already been working it in my own style. To me, when one diets (and let’s be honest, that’s the only thing that can make weight loss happen) one must restrict calories in and move more to make calories go out. I’ll think about a mindfully eating lifestyle once I get the weight off. These days, it is looking closer than ever. I feel good, to quote James Brown!
Commitments made and not honored rank high on my list of pet peeves. As it is a pretty long list, the fact that it ranks high is significant. The reality of my own recent inability to fulfill my writing commitments irritates me. Becoming irritated is not going to solve anything at this moment, let’s just let that pass.
I am writing here today because I don’t want the month of October to be over without having at least one blog entry to show for it. My month has been like everyone else’s: filled with some sadness at the limitations we have had to contend with during the last 2 years and the ones that will come up during the next couple of months as we head into 2023.
As I sit and review the 10 months of 2022, I want to make full use of my focus as I sharpen my thinking to discern what actions I need to take to measure up to the goals I had set for myself in the beginning of the year. I have done remarkably well in the priority goal which was to lose 25 lbs. I am at a loss of 24.1 lbs and should certainly reach my first goal before year’s end. I had not fully committed to the WW plan until July when I purchased a brand-new, ultra-modern scale. The initial shock came as I realized that I actually weighed about 7 lbs. more than I had thought. I took my time (and patience) to update all of my data to reflect the new and worrisome truth. Since then, I have done my best to remind myself at each meal what my aspiration was: see where it led me if I didn’t give up. I am glad I followed through. This morning I was very pleased with the number on the scale even though I am still considered “obese” by purely metrical standards. It’s okay. For today, I accept and will continue to follow the program as best I can for optimum results.
I won’t make any promises about the future (regarding my weight or my writing) but I do hope to reach the many of you who continue to support my site.
My second weigh-in on my fancy scale did not produce the same impressive results as the first but it was still a loss and I am happy. I have another 4 weeks left before Labor Day, the end of the current challenge I set for myself to lose 6 lbs. I have lost 3.8 so far. I think it is doable if I can stay the course. It has not been that hard, though I do miss the daily bit of whiskey I was having!
I followed the first two weeks of the Mayo Clinic Diet and surprisingly did not read ahead to see what the third week and beyond would require. It gives very little in terms of “guidelines” and is all about lifestyle change rather than diet. Too gentle for me but I am going to continue to be stricter in the hopes my loss will accelerate a bit and I can reach my goal.
When I was “normal” weight all those years ago, I was truly a happy and well-adjusted person. I am not saying that the same is not true today but I confess that I am frustrated by not being able to reach into the closet (yet) and pick out any outfit and be secure that it will fit. I did have some wonderful NSV this past week though. I was able to fit into slacks and blouses that I was ready to pass on to the donation pile. Some of them were favorites. When they actually fit me, I could feel my whole body get a little taller. That is very significant and a wonderful incentive.
The curtain is closing on another month. August 1st is tomorrow. Although Friday is the day I am supposed to write in this blog, Friday came and went and I didn’t write. In fact, I have not written in this blog all month, even though I had high expectations and many good intentions.
Good intentions…the road to?
Life is precious. Each morning when I wake up, I remind myself that every new day offers the opportunity to begin anew. These are two thoughts that enter my mind often. I have no excuses and will attempt to get back to my routine (I love routines, frankly) during the month of August. July was filled with intentions but also with concrete accomplishments that had nothing to do with writing but everything to do with my ongoing health ambitions.
I purchased a proper scale during July. It shocked me into realizing my previous scale was off by about 7 lbs. (not in my favor)! I was disappointed to admit just how heavy I am but more than ever determined to stay the course for the rest of the year. I have been slowly losing weight since January…very slowly. The new scale gave me the opportunity to begin anew. I pulled out a Mayo Clinic book I had bought a couple of years ago (never opened) and committed to following their plan for the first two weeks. I was very strict about no sugar, no alcohol, no snacks…I lost 3 lbs. I have never before lost 3 lbs. in one week. I did not starve, was in good spirits, had energy. I will continue with the same plan this week and then read what the advice is for the following weeks.
Although the focus these days is not on the scale, the focus for me has to be and the word “diet” is not a four letter word personally. I like knowing in advance what I am going to eat, it works better for me.
Perhaps in old age, I am finally giving myself permission to honestly admit that I do not enjoy being uncomfortable with tight clothes, when walking up a flight of stairs, etc. If being overweight was healthy, I’d be all for it, but it is not for me and so I call a diet a diet, not a lifestyle change…when I am (again) at my best weight (which is still higher than the recommended weight for my height), then I will implement everything I learned from the discipline into my new lifestyle. Hopefully that will begin in January 2023. Follow me for accountability!
I am currently “enrolled” in WW (again!) because I truly believe it is the best program of the kind for a person like me who understands all about calories, weight loss and weight gain, movement, attitude, discipline, etc. I owe a great deal to the franchise because it taught me all about nutrition since the first time I attended which is more than 50 years ago. 50 years! How can that number be right? How can I be here once again? But yet, here we are and onward we must travel.
I faced the music when I returned from New Orleans, a few pounds heavier than when I arrived. It was all worth it. The beignets, the wonderful fried foods, the booze, all of it. I would do it again (and probably will) in a heartbeat. Sometimes, you really just have to jump with both feet and damn the consequences of experiencing the wild and crazy and heartwarming place that is New Orleans. I knew that as soon as I returned I would get back on program.
“Program” really began for my husband and me on January 3rd, even though my trip to New Orleans had been during the Thanksgiving break. We are both trying to lose weight. We both love food and we enjoy our cocktails. I have had more weight issues during my lifetime than my husband but at our current age (both senior citizens) it has become an important aspect we need to address. We are both doing pretty well. He is lucky in that he can lose weight more quickly because he has a normal metabolism. My metabolism is pretty slow, not sure if it was caused by early dieting or a quack doctor who used to inject me with something to help me lose weight but the truth is what it is. I have trouble losing weight unless I restrict my calories to less than 1200 per day. I know that sounds like too little but believe me, I know my body. Luckily, I have no lack of energy and I rarely feel real hunger. I actually enjoy being in “control” of my food intake.
The other day I had lunch with a good friend. I made very good choices for my meal. Then it came time for dessert and it was a lovely, small pineapple tart. I decided to spend some points on it because it was the beginning of the week and I knew that I could make it up later in the week before my “official” weigh-in on Sunday. On Wednesday this week, I again went to lunch and ordered grilled chicken and a salad. All was well. Then our hostess offered me a piece of “tres leches cake” which is a traditional Latin American dessert that resembles tiramisu in the consistency and moisture. I am not crazy about tres leches (though I love tiramisu!) so it was not difficult for me to turn it down. The hostess insisted, offering it this way and that way. Finally, I said testily that I “am on a diet”. That did the trick! She stopped offering me anything more and left me alone.
I don’t understand why people can’t just take No for an answer. I didn’t enjoy getting to that point. Someone suggested I might have said that I have an allergy. I think people need to “read between the lines”. Looking at me one could never imagine that missing dessert would harm me in the least, I am visibly quite round; something I intend (really this time) to change permanently before the end of 2022. I hope to achieve lasting effects of the sacrifices I am making now. I am not sure how I would have responded if the offered dessert had been cheesecake…that might have resulted in a different essay!
I am by no means celebrating the number on the scale today, but I am facing the ugly truth! The weight gain that did not happen during Covid-19 lockdown took place in the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Let’s blame it on the rich cuisine of New Orleans and accept that a lack of discipline and a total enjoyment of the food was the culprit and leave it at that.
WW sent me many reminders in the last 8 months. I ignored them all because I had signed up to the Premium version of MyFitnessPal. I am very happy with the app, logging in my calories/food/exercise/water intake and my weight as honestly as I can. The graph has shown a steady increase but I know it is temporary so I simply take it in stride. After all, I am competing with no one, I am not trying to lose weight for any special occasion and it will be what it is.
A few days ago, WW sent me an offer I simply could not pass up. Come back, it said, and you will pay $15/month if you make a 6-month commitment. Many years ago I would not have needed 6 months to lose the extra weight…alas, this is the reality today, I probably need twice as much time and I will be happy to do it. Every couple of years, WW comes up with a new plan. I am not unhappy with what they are doing and figured I will give it another try. I am not ecstatic about the low points I get to begin with but I am a pretty short gal with a good amount of weight to lose so I just have to suck it up and work around the points as best as I can.
I am going to start “seriously” on Monday January 3rd but see no reason why I should gain any more weight between now and then so I am watching my eating, counting my points/calories and doing what I can to keep motivated and moving. I know the program works and I am excited because these days there are many people who are attempting and sharing new recipes so that we all keep our enthusiasm. I even signed up to a challenge that will go until Valentine’s Day. It is only a short 8 weeks away. Can you believe that? My goal is to lose 10 lbs. by then. Let’s see how I do. I am enjoying reading and seeing other people’s stories, etc. My spirits are high and I am committed to tackling this monster and finally putting an end to this lousy eating journey I’ve put myself through in just the last couple of months.
2022 is literally a day away, let’s all make it a good one.
On July 18th I read a blog (Cheryl Richardson) that encouraged me to look into the app MyFitnessPal for help with losing weight and getting in shape safely, etc. By this time if you are a regular reader of my blog you are aware that weight issues have plagued me to different degrees my entire life. Although I did have a good 25 years of maintaining an important weight loss, the pounds started have creeping up on me about 20 years ago, and now at age 66 (well, I did start at age 63) I realize that if I want to live to 100 (which I do) I need to lose at least 40 lbs. but I will start with 20! A 40 lb. gain in 20 years works to only 2 lbs. per year but it does add up.
So, on July 18th, I decided that if Ms. Richardson was successful and happy with the app and I have followed her for about 20 years, why not give it a try? The app offers a month free trial which was a mistake for me, I wanted to dive right in with all the premium bells and whistles, that’s how committed I felt. Knowing that I had a month to try it out and possibly change my mind was not a good thing because it kept me kind of in “trial mode”. I gave all my credit card information (a story for another day) and set up my account. I read articles and generally psyched myself up for the trial month but I could tell that my real motivation was not going to kick in until I my card was actually charged which would not be until August 18. It makes no sense to me but I have decided to accept this reality and just move on.
August 18th came along. The money was charged and off we went. I weighed myself and logged all my information but I confess I could not declare my real weight which was difficult for me to accept, I logged 2 kgs. less because in pounds it translated to a number I could more or less accept. These numbers are private, I am not sure how my mind was working. After about six weeks of Intermittent Fasting (IF) plus MyFitnessPal, I still weighed the same as I had logged in. I was so disappointed because I was being “good”. Then I started to think a little deeper and realized that I had in fact lost 2 kgs and was now truly weighing what I originally logged in (which at the time was not true). How silly. I went back to the beginning of my history and changed the numbers to reflect the correct weight I was when I began and the weight I am now, which is 2 kgs (4.4 lbs.) less. I had to face the fact that I had been playing a mind game with myself. I can’t explain why and like the criminal who finally comes clean, I feel so relieved to be working with real numbers.
I had never done that kind of thing before, so self-defeating and stressful. I will continue to monitor my weight daily for a while simply to keep track of where I make my mistakes. I am not concerned so much with dieting now but with actually eating mindfully and accepting the outcome of my behaviors. I have eliminated all alcohol for the time being because I look forward to enjoying a cocktail in the future, perhaps in celebration of renewed reunions once these Covid restrictions go away. It might be some time yet but in the meantime, I can muse on the craziness that goes on in my head when I think about my weight, which didn’t use to be all the time but seems to be now.
I am happy that my weight has never stopped me from enjoying getting dressed and it has never stopped me from participating in a variety of activities during my life. I was able to enjoy life to the fullest the years when I was normal weight and that is good because those were the years when my children were young and people in our circle were very judgmental of the overweight. At age 66, a retired, happily-married empty nester, no one gives me a second glance or thought. It is quite liberating actually, if lonely at times.
If you’re here then you know that I talk about dieting a lot. Last week I shared that I have joined My Fitness Pal Premium and I am also paying for an Intermittent Fasting App. I am reminded every day that WW wants me back and they are constantly throwing really good offers my way. For now, I have decided just to use common sense, to increase movements, pay attention to calorie and portion size but generally be non-judgmental about what I am eating and definitely accept myself, flaws and all.
I am not a friend of “notifications” but when it comes to success in both the apps mentioned above, I see that there is a definite benefit that comes with these gentle reminders. Prior to letting the notifications happen, the app might believe that I had not eaten in three days because I forgot to hit the “start fast” and “end fast” buttons on the app. In one case, it really was alarmed and told me that severe health problems could result from not eating for 72 hours. I was hilarious that night because while I can comfortably manage 12 hours, 72 hours would not be possible.
I am talking myself into loving the tracking. It is amazing just how complete the list of products available in the app is. I believe I will have a nice measure of success with this particular app because aside from calories, it lists nutritional aspects that fascinate and educate me. It also predicts how long it might take to lose X amount of weight based on the items that one is recording each day. We shall see whether this will lead to my permanent success with my weight. In the meantime, I thank my body for doing its thing in the background. I feel good, I feel committed and my clothes are starting to feel just a little bit loser. All in my head perhaps, but there it is.
A strange thing happened when I started writing today. I had decided that I would search for a picture that had some sort of abstract design and when I went to the image search, the word “pattern” was already there. I clicked and the first option was the one above. Funny coincidence…if there is such a thing…
I used to spend a lot of time when I was bored in my classes making the exact same kind of diagram depicted. It is not easy to make that curve out of straight lines but I painstakingly measured and then drew my lines, always marveling at how the curve eventually made itself clear. It used to remind me that sometimes things were not what they appeared. I used to get all philosophical about it. I am very surprised that no teacher ever caught me doodling while they were talking away, perhaps they were bored with their work too and just let it go.
I am feeling a bit fat today. I am a fat, there is no denying that. I have signed up for a couple of new things to get myself excited about logging food again and cooking and eating healthily and I am reading articles and books that have to do with weight issues and the like. I can’t tell right now whether it is helping or hurting. The pandemic 15 is not my reality but if I don’t get a handle of what has me literally stuck at this high weight, I don’t know what I am going to do. To my credit, I am still showing up for things. I am still getting dressed nicely regardless of whether I need to go out or stay home. I am allowing my picture to be taken “as is” because there will be nothing worse for my children in the future than not having pictures of me or with me because I was too “fat”. My daughter wishes the subject was not constantly in our conversations but I am afraid that regardless of whether society accepts us or not, being overweight is simply not healthy and it is definitely not comfortable.
My latest purchase is MyFitnessPal. I signed up for the free month and in a couple of days, the charge will appear on my credit card. I am excited actually to be back on some plan. My personality does not really do well with free fall eating. I feel awful. I enjoy the structure and the reason why we have strayed so far (my husband and I) is because we have welcomed our children and other guests and it seems like a terrible idea to be “watching” what we eat while having to cook and entertain others. For today, I will focus on thanking my body for all the things it does without any help from me and I will do my best to do my best with smart eating at every meal.
Always on My Mind 