Retirement

I will retire next year when I turn 62! It is a decision that took me a bit
of time to make but one which I am glad I have taken. This means that I will
get out of the pro-bono community work I have been doing for the last +20 years!
I feel a little guilty, knowing I have many more years and many more ideas to feed
to the county but I also feel it is time for someone else to have the chance to
improve life around here as I have tried to do for years.

Now, of course, I am left with the task of finding things I can do. I will no
longer have the excuse of “working” to procrastinate on writing my “novel”…well
maybe not novel but certainly some uplifting and inspiring non-fiction especially
geared to the ever-increasing aging population.

Ah, what a relief!

Picture bong.com free to use image

Adult siblings!!

I am currently estranged from one of my siblings. It pains me to admit it but
it is a reality from which I will not move a finger to reconcile. After +50
years of being bullied, manipulated, lied to, taken advantage of, etc. I guess I
saw the light and saw my sibling as an individual rather than someone whose
connection to me (blood) was so strong I actually (and often) gave in to unreasonable
demands just so we could be in relationship.

I realize now that my sibling was always jealous of me and that perhaps my
loyalty lied with my parents and also I did not want to be the child that
disappointed them or made them think their parenting styles were somewhat faulty.

While I cannot really recall being compared negatively with my sibling, I do
recall my mom telling me that my sibling was somehow lacking in emotional maturity,
social skills, etc. and that because I was thought to have an abundance of these,
I should feel sorry for my sibling and include my sibling in my life and activities
all the time.

We grew up, married, yet remained connected. Sometimes long periods of silence
between us ensued as a result of life getting complicate for us both but I always
managed to connect and make sure I had plenty of information to provide my parents
from whom my sibling was estranged for years at a time.

This is the first time that I feel no urge to reconnect; the last insult was almost
a year ago and rather than feeling lonely, I feel light and airy that I have lost
the constant stress and anxiety that walking on eggshells put me under. I will admit
that losing a sibling who shared many memories of our early childhood is rather sad
but the benefits for me are what I focus on each day. These days I can honestly say
that my thoughts do not center on my sibling every day like they used to. I think of
my sibling perhaps a couple of times a week, without any guilt or desire for connection.

Life is short, only lived once and as I age I realize that no one really needs to be
a martyr and that my immediate family is relieved by my decision, one they thought I
should have taken long ago.

picture Bing.com

Quick the month is almost over!

I have been away from home for about three weeks. In those three weeks, I have had the
chance to do a lot of soul searching, etc. I am dumbfounded to realize that given the
opportunity, my first instinct has not been to reach for the unhealthy, high-calorie snack…
it seems like a new discovery.

I came back home having lost 5 lbs. without any effort. I simply ate what I wanted when
I wanted and stopped when I was full. I suppose I should look into vitamins but it seems
that my body is very good at balking at foods that don’t go down well (in my case, yes,
a certain tendency to lactose intolerance and wheat allergy) and when I listen to the
needs of my body, it actually craves water, fruits and vegetables. I can’t say I don’t
love my cheeses, nuts and fine dining opportunities but I can definitely say that I am
not a food addict. I just need to be mindful when I eat and simply let go of the idea
that numbers matter…not weight, not size, but instead the health, energy and vibrancy
that I feel in the morning when I awake.

My tremendous problems with a recent bout of plantar fasciitis seems to be lessening.
I believe as a result of better eating and a little less weight not to mention the
wonderful technique of low dye taping to protect them arches!

A new discovery about Obesity…

http://fortune.com/2016/05/02/biggest-loser-weight-study/

I read the above article and everything related to it with much interest. It is
amazing how much or how little we know about metabolism etc. I had successfully
maintained a 35 lb. loss for over 25 years until I became complacent and began to
eat in a disorganized manner. Today, I weigh about 40 lbs. more than the maximum
for my height and I can feel it. It isn’t that I feel “ugly”, it’s actually more
that after walking for a while, climbing stairs, doing chores, my body feels the
aches and pains that come with age, certainly, but more importantly are the result
of the excess weight I have put on my small frame.

When I was a child, my mom was very concerned with my weight. I was overweight, yes,
but I was never obese until the last couple of years. Right now, I am concentrating
on being mindful of what I eat, knowing that my metabolism has always been slow as a
result of who knows what! All I know is that the referenced article made me feel like
I have been right all these years at being mad at Michelle Obama for simplifying what
it takes to lose weight, it is often not just a question of getting rid of the junk
food, the problem is much deeper than that. Having said that, however, I do think
that those of us who have slower metabolism and a tendency to love food and put weight
on quickly really do need to be mindful about what we put in our mouths.

I have been “non-dieting” for the last 6 weeks or so. Although I think personally that
I need to weigh myself every day, I am not obsessive about it. I can feel by the way
my clothes fit that my body is undergoing a positive change. I am rarely hungry and
since I must cook for myself these days because I am away from my husband for a few weeks,
I find that I can discipline myself and do other things (like write!) instead of opening
a refrigerator to look to see what I can shove into my mouth.

Today will be a good day. My thoughts are with all those people who are more than 100 lbs.
over their maximum because that in itself brings a whole other dimension to what we call life.
May they all find their way, 10 lbs. or 100 lbs. are lost the same way, one meal at a time.

A New Month

I can’t believe another month is upon us…but I bet we all feel that way.

I’ve been doing a fair amount of traveling and not obsessing about my weight which
is actually something quite refreshing. In the meantime, I think I have managed, if not
to lose weight, at least to have it distribute in a more flattering manner. I am feeling
pretty good except for a recent bout with plantar fasciitis but I seem to be getting that
under control as well.

Today is a new day and a new month, may it be grand for us all, wherever we are in our
health/weight continuum.