I was listening to Alicia Keys yesterday and I felt wonderful when that song was playing!
Maybe enough with the negativity and going back into the past, maybe what I need is to
simply change all the silly voices and enjoy whatever the rest of my life is going to be.
I got a new car today! A gorgeous vehicle that will probably be the last one I buy in my
lifetime; nothing to be sad about, I have a lot of years left in me, God willing but another
brand new car is probably not in my future since it is time to begin to scale down the outings, the expenses, etc.
But for today, it is great and I feel great!!!
Whenever Geneen Roth tells us her weight story, she mentions that she when she “quit”
dieting, she was about 50 lbs. overweight, had one sundress that fit her and decided
that she was the only one who could make choices about what went into her mouth. A
year after making this monumental decision, she had reached her normal/goal weight and
never looked back. She became a pioneer (author, coach) in the world of weight loss and
has maintained her normal weight, which is a relief to us all, I’m sure.
When I was a child, I was chubby but not yet obese. My mother suffered because she
was very concerned about what people would think of her since she believed (or knew)
that it was her inattention to me that made me overeat. I don’t remember much about
the causes, I enjoyed eating and since my grandparents had a small grocery store, I
never had any reason to go hungry. My father (then and now) has never made a single
remark about my weight although it has gone up and down my entire life. I guess it
was something that just never entered his “circle of concerns”.
Today is Father’s Day and I feel particularly happy that I can look back and know that
my father’s love for me transcended whatever number was on the scale. I’m sorry to say
that until I was a young adult, the subject of my weight was never far from my mother’s
mind. I can still remember how she tried to hide the disgust she felt when she saw the
bulges on my back, even though she herself was not exactly thin.
I have not been thinking too much about weight these days. Back in April, I was in
New York where the most delicious foods and desserts are everywhere. Because I was not
motivated to cook, I ate fruit for breakfast, yogurt or a small sandwich for lunch and
dinner out. The portions of dinner were so large that I actually could make one order
last two or three nights. When I came home, I had lost 5 lbs. and I knew it even before
I set foot on my scale. I was pleased with the way my clothes fit, 5 lbs. on my small
frame might not be noticeable by others, but I sure could tell. It was a sort of victory.
Fast forward one month: my husband cooks lovely, calorie-rich meals and although I am the
boss of what I put in my mouth, I find it hard (for many reasons) to forgo the food he has
lovingly spent hours preparing. I need to revisit the subject because I know it is not about
his wanting to sabotage or anything like that. I can control what I eat for breakfast and
lunch and even dinner…but sitting in front of the television afterwards makes me crave a
glass (or two or three) of wine with some accompaniment. As I said, this is something that
I need to revisit.
It is the last half of June. I have not written in this blog although I have faithfully
written in my other ones! I guess the subject of eating and weight and body image has been
covered so frequently this month that I didn’t want to add one more to the mix.
I have been writing about other subjects that don’t have quite the emotional attachment that
this subject does for me and millions of other people. We have been quite busy as well with all
sorts of things…and it seems that no one is reading my blog anyway so at least I can be
comforted in the fact that I’m not letting anyone down!
A happy weekend for all.