I am so glad I have this blog. I have another blog where all I write is inspirational. Today,
though, I just feel blah and it seems my inspiration has taken residence elsewhere right now.
This is probably okay, it will give me room to indulge the feeling of blah which I have rarely
allowed myself to do in my lifetime.
I’m the kind of person that everyone else looks to when they are feeling the blues, or the
overwhelm that life can sometimes bring upon us. They expect me never to have these
feelings, believing me immune to life’s challenges because I have made it my mission to
be the sunshine, the one thing that can be counted on to remain cool, calm and collected
despite external conditions that would defeat anyone. Most days, I am proud and happy
to rise to the occasion. Lack of sleep, anxiety about not being ready for an upcoming long
trip, worry about my children and the direction life is taking them has made me a stranger
to myself the last couple of days.
This morning, I woke up after a restless night and although I can feel the fatigue in me, I
am bolstering up my “fake” enthusiasm so that my daughter (herself facing life challenges)
does not add to her burden by taking on mine. It is easy for her to do, she is a lot like me.
So, I am glad for this blog, because even if not a single person visits it, I can vent and not
have the guilt factor that I’ve used one of my children or other family members as surrogate
therapists. That would be a terrible thing to have to remember at a later date. Sometimes,
it is best to vent anonymously, thanks to this blog, I can!
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