Category Archives: Weight Loss

Community

Standard

One of the reasons I think I will be successful with this weight-loss attempt is that
I have signed up and in to the online community and perused the many successful
and not so successful stories there. I uploaded my picture which is something I have
not wanted to do in the past. A few minutes ago, my daughter showed me a family
picture that goes back almost 4 years and I can see the difference between then and
now. Like I told her, I was fat there already but now I long to go back and fit into the
blouse I was wearing.

Earlier this year, when I was going through one of those periods of de-cluttering, I saw
that pretty fitted blouse and decided it was just taking up room in my closet and it was
pointless to keep it so I packed it up and (along with many other cute things) gave it
to one of my cousins who has lots of relatives and friends who could use it. I am a little
sad now, it was a lovely peach color that flattered my complexion and the style was very
unique. I am sure that my reasoning went something like this: Well, it’s never going to fit
me again, it’s taking up room, if I ever get down to that weight again, I can always go out
and buy a new one…I know you can identify with this if you are trying to keep from being
one of those people who has 3 different sizes in their closet. For the longest time, I was
always sure that from one year to the next, my size would be the same so I had a lot of
clothes. I still have way too many clothes (I love clothes at all sizes) but now it takes me
a long time before I’m ready each morning because I have to try and discard.

I feel good today. I went to bed a little bit hungry and I think it’s because I have not been
eating enough protein. I will be more diligent in the future because the worst thing that could
happen is for me to get sick when I’m trying to stay healthy. I will confess that one of the issues
that concern me is that I have never had to lose this much weight before and I don’t know what
I can do to go slowly and steadily and not have extra sagging skin everywhere. I will invest time
reading about firming up and toning up my body. I know this seems superficial (well, it is super-
ficial) but after seeing before and after pictures of some of the brave souls on WW who post them,
it is not a small thing to me.

bing.com free to use image

Advertisements

0 point foods!

Standard

I weighed myself this morning even though my official weigh-in date is Mondays. I was very
pleased with the number…well not pleased with the number per se, but pleased that the number is
less than it was on Monday morning when I started the new plan.

I went to bed hungry last night. I haven’t felt hungry in a few years. I am shocked that I could
have let myself get this heavy, which I have mentioned previously and which I won’t really dwell
on. My husband returns on Tuesday. It is my intention and goal to set up menus for our meals
which will satisfy both of us. I know now that my downfall in the last three years has not been that
he is a great cook (although he is) but that I do pop the odd cookie and chocolate into my mouth
and forget that I ate it and repeat the process a few times a day. With this new weight watchers
freedom plan, it doesn’t make any sense to have one cookie for 2 or 3 points (my max is 23 points
per day) when I can have a hard boiled egg for 0 points or a fruit or a vegetable for the same 0!
Oprah is happy because she can eat bread! I don’t care about eating bread, I’d rather be able to
enjoy my nightly 1 1/2 oz of expensive excellent Hennessy cognac!

By this time next year, I hope to be back at my normal weight but I will be patient and go with the
flow not making anyone suffer because I am on a “d-i-e-t” and not making myself suffer when I
have a less-than-stellar eating day. I think about food and weight all the time. When I was normal
weight, I remember just being very matter of fact about it. I ate almost the same thing for breakfast,
lunch and dinner every day except Fridays when I would have two slices of sicilian pizza (hopefully
the corners) and a large helping of freshly steamed broccoli. I did that for years. Then the weekends
were more relaxed but did not include sweets, cake, or alcohol.

When our children were little, the house was replete with food. My feeling was that all food was
valid, nothing was bad, nothing was special. I was never “tempted” by anything. In childhood
our kids were normal weight (except one year when our son discovered McDonald’s and gained
a lot of weight) and candy and cookies would get stale and disgusting because they were not
enticing to them. Naturally, as they got older things have changed. They have discovered that
they like asparagus, lobster, and a whole bunch of other items they would never touch in their
younger years! I have discovered what they really like is the taste of butter, and bacon…as in
asparagus wrapped in bacon and lobster drenched in butter. Oh well, I did the best I could, now
they are adults and know what’s what.

I have had a good week. It went by very quickly. I learned how to make a few zero point meals
and have even been able to roll over some points to use on the weekend. I will be making chili
on Sunday and I intend to enjoy every bite of it. I have noticed that food really, really tastes
good when one has not been eating all day!

Musings…

Standard

It’s almost five o’clock on Sunday afternoon. It turned into a very busy
weekend with activities early Saturday morning until just an hour ago.

I am a lifelong Yankees fan and while I realize the Yankees have a young
team again and we should feel optimistic about chances of World Series
winnings in the next few years, this year it is not to be. I am torn between
rooting for the American League Astros or the National League Dodgers
even though former Yankee Don Mattingly is no longer their manager. Wow,
these are truly superficial first-world problems and I am embarrassed to even
admit these thoughts to anyone but the anonymous internet!

I was at a birthday party today. My husband is away so I attended alone. It was
the celebration of a first birthday for the child of close friends of mine. I was without
a doubt the only non-family member present. Although I knew a lot of the people,
I still felt a bit odd about being there, yet not going was equally not acceptable.
The theme was Minnie Mouse, the decorations, costumes, piñata, cake, etc. were
wonderful. They even hired a DJ who did his utmost to get the audience to take
part in his many clever and fun games. As a writer, I am almost always comfortable
to observe behaviors but today I was a bit uncomfortable to note that the response
from the audience would have made any party planner quit midway in disgust. My
congratulations to the young man who never gave up, smiling through it all. Perhaps
because I am so used to directing events, I found it hard to just sit quietly and let
the event unfold. In any event, the food was good, the cake outstanding and I had
the chance to take many pictures of the happy family.

Tomorrow begins a new week. I have been reading a book called Diary of a Fat Girl
by Lisa Sargese. I am not sure how I found it, probably some pitch by Amazon or
other Kindle book providers who follow my interest in food/weight related reading.
I am really glad that I purchased the book, Ms. Sargese’s sharing of her story has
given me a desire to renew my commitment to maintaining my health while losing
a few pounds. I have always wondered if really heavy people (+400 lbs.) suffer
constant pain but I have never had the nerve to actually ask anyone. The reason it
is of interest to me is that at my current weight (about 185 lbs./short frame), for the
first time in my life, I find it difficult: to climb stairs, to walk without becoming short
of breath, to bounce in and out of chairs like I once did – even at 150 lbs. Ms. Sargese
is candid with her story and addresses things that have never occurred to me.  She
is very smart and hard working and has managed to lose quite a bit of weight in the
last ten years. I have found myself questioning whether I really want that second cookie,
that extra butter, those few nuts. At the end of the days in the last week, I have been
going to bed with a lovely cup of green tea and just the tiniest hint of hunger. I feel good.

Today, I dressed for the party in clothes that did not feel extremely tight and I ate the
food presented to me slowly, enjoying every morsel. I hope this trend continues, I know
that if I successfully lose just 30 of the 50 extra pounds my small frame carries, I will be
so much freer to continue to enjoy my life. I know that part of the reason I don’t feel so
compelled to lose the weight is because I am not keeping myself from doing things. I go
out, I volunteer, I write, I have my parents and children and a lovely selection of good
friends. Still, I would like to fit into some of the cute outfits I still hang in my closet, not
the size 6s but certainly the 12’s! When I look at pictures of me 30 lbs. ago, I long for
those days.

image: pixabay

Healthy eating as a mood booster!

Standard

Mondays are crazy days for me. I am one of those people who thrives on routine so this
is the weekday that I choose to wash my hair (long, lots, curly), to do the laundry, change
the sheets and generally make a plan for what the rest of the week will be like.  I try not
to schedule any outside errands so that I can just concentrate on staying in and tidying up
the house from the relaxing clutter that builds up during the weekend.

Yesterday it took me three tries before I found a blouse that fit me properly.  I’ve shared
my weight challenges so we won’t revisit that subject. Suffice it to say that I found myself
in a kind of bad mood yesterday, something I notice happens to me when I reach for
something in the close that I haven’t worn in a very long time. I miss the years when I could
reach for anything and it fit me. But the reason I was upset yesterday is really because the
clothes that are snug (and I hate that snug feeling) are not S or M …they are XL!

After a few hours of mentally bashing myself, I decided to just get on with my day and do
what needed to get done, which included a trip to the supermarket. While at the supermarket
I disciplined myself and DID NOT pick up my favorite cookies or candies. Instead I went for
the veggies and the cottage cheese. I know me, I do so much better these days when the tasty
high calorie items stay outside the house. It wasn’t always so, I could have a cookie and that
would be that, but lately, I am not happy until the package is gone. What’s with that?

This morning, my husband offered me a croissant with butter and jam. I thought about it
for a micro-second, then heard myself replying that I was having green beans and cottage
cheese for my breakfast. He chuckled as he spread a generous amount of jam on his lovely
lightly toasted croissant. I served myself my cottage cheese and green beans and thought
about how lovely it will be when the XL blouse buttons properly. I love starting a busy
day on a good note, it makes every single thing that much nicer. As Tony Robbins once
quipped “Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.” I paraphrase, but it went something
like that and I totally concur.

cottage cheese wikipedia image

Remembering my childhood!

Standard

obese youngster clipart

Whenever Geneen Roth tells us her weight story, she mentions that she when she “quit”
dieting, she was about 50 lbs. overweight, had one sundress that fit her and decided
that she was the only one who could make choices about what went into her mouth. A
year after making this monumental decision, she had reached her normal/goal weight and
never looked back. She became a pioneer (author, coach) in the world of weight loss and
has maintained her normal weight, which is a relief to us all, I’m sure.

When I was a child, I was chubby but not yet obese. My mother suffered because she
was very concerned about what people would think of her since she believed (or knew)
that it was her inattention to me that made me overeat. I don’t remember much about
the causes, I enjoyed eating and since my grandparents had a small grocery store, I
never had any reason to go hungry. My father (then and now) has never made a single
remark about my weight although it has gone up and down my entire life. I guess it
was something that just never entered his “circle of concerns”.

Today is Father’s Day and I feel particularly happy that I can look back and know that
my father’s love for me transcended whatever number was on the scale. I’m sorry to say
that until I was a young adult, the subject of my weight was never far from my mother’s
mind. I can still remember how she tried to hide the disgust she felt when she saw the
bulges on my back, even though she herself was not exactly thin.

I have not been thinking too much about weight these days. Back in April, I was in
New York where the most delicious foods and desserts are everywhere. Because I was not
motivated to cook, I ate fruit for breakfast, yogurt or a small sandwich for lunch and
dinner out. The portions of dinner were so large that I actually could make one order
last two or three nights. When I came home, I had lost 5 lbs. and I knew it even before
I set foot on my scale. I was pleased with the way my clothes fit, 5 lbs. on my small
frame might not be noticeable by others, but I sure could tell. It was a sort of victory.

Fast forward one month: my husband cooks lovely, calorie-rich meals and although I am the
boss of what I put in my mouth, I find it hard (for many reasons) to forgo the food he has
lovingly spent hours preparing. I need to revisit the subject because I know it is not about
his wanting to sabotage or anything like that. I can control what I eat for breakfast and
lunch and even dinner…but sitting in front of the television afterwards makes me crave a
glass (or two or three) of wine with some accompaniment. As I said, this is something that
I need to revisit.

What a difference a day makes…

Standard

large-Cute-Fat-Round-Bird-166.6-16989

Large, cute, fat round bird is the description of that clip art beginning this post!
It is definitely cute as am I except that I am a small, cute, fat round woman! I can’t
believe that I can actually write that and accept it as being the objective reality right
now of my physical manifestation. The inside of me feels exactly the same at this age and
weight as it did 40 years ago when I was normal weight and very young! Wow, it is so
refreshing to feel at peace with this, a new normal I hope to pursue.

I’ve been quite busy these days, helping my customers navigate the different processes
that allow them to remain permanent residents in the country. It is always fun to meet
new people who have other concerns on their mind besides whether or not I look the part
I am about to play in their lives (competent consultant!). It’s an incredible rush when
someone hugs me at the end of a complicated translation ordeal and tells me the words that
I have always responded to (more than money!) “I/We could not have done this without you!”
Although I know they could have (it would have taken longer, not been as much fun, etc.),
it is always nice to be acknowledged and recognized for having expertise in something.
From now on, I will stop pretending that my skills just came with me when my parents
“ordered” me from the stork. My skills are a result of my dedication, ability and desire
to help people. It’s been a great week!

Not just fat, obese!

Standard

Loma_Linda_University_Vegetarian_Food_Pyramid

I weighed over 8 lbs. when I was born. That’s a big baby! All through
my childhood and adolescence I remained overweight much to my mother’s
chagrin. You see, Mom was a social worker and she was well-versed in the
ramifications of obesity. Not only was she embarrassed by my weight, she
carried the unfair burden of supposing it was all caused by her lack of
attention to me because she was a working mother who on top of all that,
went to university at night to continue her studies and obtain her Master’s
degree…in of all things: family practice!

Eventually, at age 19 as a result of some negative remark I heard from a
mean co-worker, I decide to go on a crash diet which left me hungry but I
did manage to lose weight which I kept off for the better part of 25 years.

16 years ago, I was hospitalized for a bacterial infection which required
massive doses of a antibiotic which also required me to eat a very high calorie
diet until I was released from the hospital a few days later. I gained 6 lbs.
and ever since then, have been gaining steadily until I am now not only fat
but obese. I guess seeing that word and applying it to myself is something that
has taken a bit of time to sink in.

In the last year, I have not gained any additional weight. When I look at
pictures of myself, I cannot accept that it is really me. I resemble my much
more obese sister which is hardly any consolation. I look at my body from
all angles, they equally disgust me. Then I read stories about young people
who are born with horrible diseases, or who die tragically and unexpectedly and
I chide myself for being so superficial. I just read earlier today that a
successful and beautiful actress might be suffering from anorexia and I scold
myself yet again that with all my blessings, I make the issue of weight one
that brings me such shame.

I have successfully lost weight in the past…often. I know what to do, I have
more than a passing interest in health and nutrition. Each morning, I wake up
with renewed commitment to eat only when hungry and try to eat healthily because
I actually enjoy having a plan and sticking to it. The last few months have been
horribly painful in terms of all the losses (of people near and dear to me) that I
have had. Although I have never considered myself a binge eater or even an emotional
eater, I feel today that I have grossly misled myself.

Because food is necessary for our survival, it is near impossible for people with
eating issues to successfully and permanently navigate the complex world of weight.
Today, I stood in front of my mirror. I almost cried when I beheld the folds in
my back, the dimples in my thighs and the way my stomach bulges. I felt sadness
and anger in turns. Sadness that I let myself get this big, anger that I let myself
get this big. And then I took a deep breath and remembered the words of a diet guru
who says we should be happy with the body we have now while working toward obtaining
the body we want/deserve/need. So I put aside all blame and anger and came to the
kitchen to eat a tiny bit of healthy food which has served to nourish my body and my
soul. For today, that is enough; tomorrow will be another today and will take care
of itself.

Graphic from Bing.com free to use and share image

Where has all my energy gone?

Standard

PngMedium-hourglass-with-sand-7282

Time is going quickly. Today is Easter Sunday and I feel that I am not fully prepared
for the end of the month coming again!

Where is the time going? Why is my resolve to write every day a mere thought each morning.
I am constantly writing in my head but somehow it does not translate into anything on this
blog, it leaves me the minute I sit down to type it. If I could get it together to record
on my phone, that would probably be a very good thing.

One week remains, well not even a week, but almost, of March. I have just returned from
a trip to an island nation that had me walking for many miles each day. In addition, there
was not plentiful food of any kind in my area so I was put on a sort of food plan that allowed
me to lose 3 to 5 lbs. without even thinking of it. I have come home with an idea of letting
go of the fight, of eating when hungry and eating what I want. So far, the weight has not
made its way back on to my body, so I am hopeful. I also think that I would like to write a
book of my own on the struggle of weight loss and why calories and movement are really the
ONLY things to watch…all diets will work given enough time.

Have a good week all…

Weight Watchers…and diets…and Oprah

Standard

New-Weight-Watchers-Plan

I read today that Oprah has purchased 10% of Weight Watchers stock and I am very
happy for her. I believe in Weight Watchers but I also believe that ANY and ALL
diets will work (temporarily) to help us lose weight. Keeping it off, well, that
is an entirely different matter.

It seems to me that these days a lot of attention is being focused on the epidemic proportions
of obesity in the world. I was a chubby kid, an overweight teenager, a normal weight young adult
and adult until about 15 years ago. My weight has gone up 2 to 3 lbs. per year for the last 15
years, causing me to now be significantly overweight although NOT morbidly obese. I have tried
and succeeded and failed at taking the weight off for the past 15 years because I have honestly
not been trying very hard. I know as well as anyone who has ever really ‘studied’ dieting that
the only true formula is to eat less calories than one burns up and I KNOW that those calories
can actually be fats or protein or carbs…it’s input and output … but of course, we all
know that the mind will believe what it wants and every gimmick or shortcut out there will
induce some of us to part with our hard earned dollars by joining a program or gym and then being gung- ho
a few days or weeks or even months and then something triggers a binge and off we go.

Last January (2015) I decided to do away with any fancy dieting…just deciding to try to
lose 10% of my weight by September, the month I would mark my 60th birthday. I didn’t really
follow a plan, I just tried to eat smarter. 10% was not an impossible goal, it would have been
16 lbs. I did nothing for the first three months. Then in April I followed the Whole-30
not to lose weight but because for many months everything I ate was giving me heartburn. I
experienced no heartburn in the 30 days I followed the program and I even lost 10 lbs. Then
life got in the way, I had a lot of stress and for some reason going off the Whole 30 put
me right back in the mindless eating (mostly at night) which allowed me to regain the weight.
The only difference is that when I reached the beginning weight, I decided that I would
gain no more. I am today the exact same weight I was last January. While I am not thrilled
with that number, I am happy that it is no larger than the previous year for the first time in
a long time.

Oprah has shared her many failures and successes in this area. I remember attending a NOW
conference in 1988 or thereabouts (I was at my normal weight, a weight I had for 25 years)
where she had done Opti Fast or something and she looked fabulous. She spoke to us hundreds
of women from her heart (This I know) when she promised “I will never be fat again!”

I remember thinking OMG, how does she know? How can she say this with such certainty? Well, she didn’t know, did she? Anyway, I know in
my heart that weight problems (overweight ones) often have nothing to do with lack of discipline,
being a food addict, not having a chef who can prepare these foods for us but everything to do
with really thinking about what we are doing, and having a support system that encourages us and does not judge us when we eat beyond our calorie range…

I think I should write a book about it…and maybe I will.

Image Bing.com Public Domain picture

Thanksgiving musings

Standard

Thanksgiving-Cornucopia-Wallpapers

In 1986, I shared an apartment and living expenses with a woman who was a
compulsive overeater. By that time, I had been able to maintain a normal weight
for over 10 years. I did not own a scale because I could tell by the way my
clothes fit me when I had gained a few pounds and quickly (and healthily) lost
the weight so that I could look and feel my best, which has always been very
important to me, no matter what my weight.

Since the idea of sharing expenses included groceries, we usually did our food
shopping together. I always reached for the skim milk, the yogurts, the fruits,
the vegetables (faithful weight watcher follower even then) but somehow our
cupboards were always filled with cookies and other junk food which I never would
have stocked in my apartment if I were living alone. If I wanted those things, I
would purchase a single serving while out of the house rather than have the temptation
permanently brought in.

I am not sure what prompted me to become lax in my eating habits. Perhaps watching
her eat all the time, and knowing that I had contributed my money to the purchase
made me reluctant not to eat some of it, so I indulged. Years of dieting had by
this time made my metabolism very slow and my weight began an upward climb that
alarmed me and made me uncomfortable because I had a closet filled with nice
clothes in small sizes that I had worked hard to maintain. I was merciless with
myself, angry that I was doing this but unable to stop because I felt that I did
not want my apartment mate to feel like I was ‘superior’ because I could exercise
self-control. Since I had no scale, I never knew how much weight I gained in that
year but it was probably close to 20 lbs. I refused to buy new clothes, so every-
thing felt tight and disgusting and I had that dreaded ‘muffin’ top for a long time.

People who have problems in one area often have problems in other areas of their lives
and my apartment mate was unable to keep her commitment of a 2-year lease and left me
stranded after one year. Twenty-nine years of hindsight have allowed me to come to a
point in my life (today) where I can be grateful for what happened afterwards. I was
forced to move to a smaller, affordable apartment and gradually resumed my healthy
eating habits until I reached my normal, comfortable weight again. I maintained that
weight until about 10 years ago when I used the pretext of life and its challenges
to eat rather mindlessly and put on 2 to 3 pounds per year. That doesn’t sound like
much until you multiply by 10 and realize it’s 20-30 lbs.

The pictures don’t lie. I used to love to have my picture taken, mostly thinking of
my kids and how important it is for them to have pictures of their parents. I still
allow my picture to be taken, and often, but I usually don’t look at them. When I do,
I don’t recognize the person in the pictures as me, I have not come to terms with this
new size…I have a battle with my scale every single day (why have I not gotten rid of it?)…

But today, I found a lovely pair of slacks that fit me, a simple but elegant blouse and
I am making an effort to show myself the kindness I would offer someone else if they
confessed that they felt bad about gaining weight. I would say to them, “So, you gained
a little weight. What’s the big deal? Take control of the eating and soon you will
fit into those other clothes again.” For this wisdom, I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!