Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ghosting? Stashing?

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I was never really into “dating”. I sort of fell into relationships because it seemed like the
logical next step after spending time with someone. My first marriage took place pretty
quickly after “dating” for a bit, lasted 8 years, produced no children and essentially taught
me many things about myself, most importantly my acting abilities. A really horrific one-
time incident of physical abuse ended that relationship and I gave up on the idea of true
love, dating, etc. I thought I would go back and live with my parents and take care of them
for the rest of my life with no plans to ever fall in love or remarry. But I digress from what
I really mean to write about in this blog.

Social media has changed the way we live our lives and dating is an area which has been
affected. Because I am an observer of human nature and a writer, I spend quite a bit of my
spare time reading about social media, dating, aging, etc. There are terms to describe modern
dating, like ghosting which is when someone you think you’ve been getting along with and whose
company you enjoy and vice versa, suddenly disappears from your life without a word. Something
like fugue … another new word for me is “stashing” which seems to be increasing more and more.

I need to get a dictionary of all these modern terms because I realize that my writing ambitions
will need to be updated to include these new ways of having a love life. But to get back to the term
“stashing”, that’s when you are dating someone seriously and they (and you, I guess) do not take
them to meet family or go out on double dates, etc. I think in my time, this did not have a name
but was practiced when one was going out with someone who was either married or engaged or
cheating or playing the field. Or when one was not really serious about the relationship or was
unsure of what one’s status was so it was not addressed. It seems so complicated and now that I
think about it, I was a “stasher” or “stashee” several times in my life after my divorce.

Life is getting more and more complicated. In my opinion, dating, love, marriage, child-bearing, etc. have become less a natural progression of growing relationships and more complicated than ever
before. Any thoughts?

 

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Catching up!

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It is hard to believe how much time has gone by since my last posting here.

I have been oh so very busy, like all of you, and of course the news around our
planet makes it difficult to set aside a little time for blogging. Alas, I am now in a
more relaxed frame of mind and decided to shout out to all of you.

The last few days have been sad for the world and our country. I flew back to the
U.S. on Wednesday, facing a more than 3 hour delay and lost luggage. Yesterday
I was reunited with my luggage and now all seems well. I am planning another
trip (cruise) very soon and I hope that it will allow me to put a bit of distance between
me and all the things that have been giving me a bit of anxiety in the last few weeks.

Washington is in turmoil. It is difficult to imagine that anything could get worse but
we thought that way weeks ago and it seems every single day forces us to confront
the enemy within our borders. It appears that the division in the country that has
been an elephant in the room no one wants to talk about is finally rushing in and not
allowing itself to be ignored any longer.

When I was a young immigrant (legal) I remember that one of the first things I did
was to learn to speak the language. It was a self-preservation instinct and it was my
understanding that the U.S. was one of the most open societies but that in order to
participate fully in all its aspects, one had to truly assimilate. You can’t assimilate if
you don’t understand the language. There are a myriad of opportunities that are lost
to you when you refuse to learn the language. I bring this up because I received a bill
in yesterday’s mail that had 21 different languages featured and needed an extra page
(paper waste) just to what? comply with the law.

I will never understand some things. Not learning the language of your adopted
new nation does not help anyone. I consider myself an open minded, intelligent,
educated person who believes that the open borders of the U.S. have been a gift to
the world but I am very worried when I see the anger that is now so evident due to
the resentment of those who consider themselves “owners” of the land.

Have a good weekend.

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Learning something new every day!

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Although this is not exactly the graphic I felt was perfect for this post, it is the only one I can
put my finger on at this time. What I really wanted is not available to me and I wish for the
umpteenth time that I could illustrate because I know exactly what I want but I can’t draw it
and no one else will even come close to the picture in my mind…I don’t think I can learn how
to illustrate at this point in my life, so I will just have to assume my readers know the learning
I’m talking about is not necessarily book learning or technological learning, although those are
good too.

I suppose the kind of learning I am talking about is a little more amorphous, if you will. It does
not translate easily into structured graphs or codes…instead it is the learning that comes from
living each day in an awake state. An awake state means that in this world of bizarreness (because
what other word would describe where we are in the world today?), most middle of the road
humanoids can still separate what kinds of things are simply NOT acceptable conduct for human
beings. It is impossible to live a day when we don’t hear about really awful people doing truly
unspeakable things against their families, communities, employers, and they do not get called
on it. It is not possible that those of us (and I believe most of us are) who are ethical, honest,
persevering, optimistic, etc. can continue to stand on the sidelines as if current political and
human rights violations are being carried on as if it was okay. I believe that all of us can do at
least one small thing each day: from making sure our children don’t witness in us the kind of
behavior that they would later copy and not blink because this is the environment in which
they were raised.  Think of the Trump kids. They are not aware their behavior is not right
because of the environment in which they grew up and their father before them and so on…

Not sure how many of my readers are political…the family currently in the White House
simply does not belong there. Things fall by their own weight and I believe it will not be
necessary for the common decent person to do anything more than simply wait it out.
There are strange men and women in those offices now. Something’s gotta give…

You know how after you read a mediocre book, you ask yourself, heck why did I spend money on that, I could have written it? Well, I ask myself why I never went into politics. Any clown can win, obviously, and I have always wanted to be a clown…no offence to clowns by the way.

I’m so scattered right now, as I am sure many of us are. There are real stories, fake stories, real stories about fake stories and fake stories about real ones…if you are not feeling the stress, then you are simply
not AWAKE…Set the alarm!

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Renewed inspiration

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I will be mother-of-the-groom in a few months. The colors have been chosen and the styles are pretty much up to the individual and I love getting dressed up! However, I have not had any success in finding a lovely dress (and I do want to wear a dress) that will fit this gorgeous round body…so since I still have two months in which to try to lose a few pounds, I have renewed enthusiasm for it (weight loss).

My personality is the type that actually enjoys routine and following guidelines. I think that my recent (well, it’s been about two years) lack of discipline in the food area has caused not only a big weight gain, it has made me feel scattered and quite honestly a bit unhinged. I know that not eating and overeating have their roots in having to be “in control”. I get that it is not healthy to always want to control things but I also realize that the weight gain is a terrible thing for a woman of my height, age and desire to wear some of the pretty clothing currently still hanging in my closet. Decluttering has brought me face-to-face with reality: I will never get back to a size 6 nor do I want to, the food sacrifices were really too much; but a size 12 would be nice and very realistic. It’s funny to realize that when I saw my picture at size 12 I almost fainted, I was so fat! Now at size 18, I long for the days of a slim 12! Gotta keep up a good sense of humor.

I am eager to put together a meal plan for the coming weeks. I know that when I am really motivated, I have tremendous discipline and I hope that coming days and weeks will have me journaling positive things on this blog, just for me.

We are living exciting times. Times that allow us to be thin, fat, gay, straight or in between, to be working moms or stay home working moms…and that means that if I want to be thinner rather than accept the extra, cumbersome fat I carry around my small frame, then I can embrace that part of me too.

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This girl is on fire…

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I was listening to Alicia Keys yesterday and I felt wonderful when that song was playing!

Maybe enough with the negativity and going back into the past, maybe what I need is to
simply change all the silly voices and enjoy whatever the rest of my life is going to be.

I got a new car today! A gorgeous vehicle that will probably be the last one I buy in my
lifetime; nothing to be sad about, I have a lot of years left in me, God willing but another
brand new car is probably not in my future since it is time to begin to scale down the outings, the expenses, etc.

But for today, it is great and I feel great!!!

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A New Month

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I can’t believe another month is upon us…but I bet we all feel that way.

I’ve been doing a fair amount of traveling and not obsessing about my weight which
is actually something quite refreshing. In the meantime, I think I have managed, if not
to lose weight, at least to have it distribute in a more flattering manner. I am feeling
pretty good except for a recent bout with plantar fasciitis but I seem to be getting that
under control as well.

Today is a new day and a new month, may it be grand for us all, wherever we are in our
health/weight continuum.

A month gone by, really?

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Wow, it hardly seems possible that almost a month has gone by since my last entry.  But that is exactly how life goes, before you know it, the day is gone, the week is gone, the month is gone…well, you get the idea.

What has transpired for me in the last month? A lot of soul searching which usually takes me to the same thoughts, over and over again.  I am determined to stop this crazy cycle but before I know it, my thoughts (the same negative ones) invade my space and keep me from doing what I know I need to do in order to: write my book, lose weight, and declutter my beautiful home.

I go away for a week next week and I am very excited.  Hopefully this week will find me doing some of the things I know I need to in order to get ready for my adventure.  I need to remember to go to the bank, to pay some bills, to get some money, to charge my camera, to launder and press a few outfits to see me through the week and generally to give myself permission to be selfish…in a good way.

Yesterday’s massage made me aware of kinks and pains I did not really pay attention to while attending my dad and husband on their hospital visits.  Mindfully aware that all dis-ease begins in the mind, I am also determined to focus more on the things that I need and that keep me sane.

As I write this short blog, I am aware of my husband’s soft snoring on the couch nearby.  I am happy that he can rest, his operation has taken the umph out of him and I know that he is too stoic to complain of any pain but I can see clearly that he feels it. I am glad I can minister to his needs, as he so often takes good care of mine!

 

There is more time than life…

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The above is a loose translation from Spanish that older people use
whenever they are deciding how to react to news of delays, disappointments,
etc. I never really “got” it when I was younger but now that I am 60, I
do find that I understand exactly what it means. If I want to do something,
I’d better get going, there is more time left in the universe than life left
in me…truer words have never been written!

I began this particular blog a year ago with a view that it be private (although
I shared it publicly right from the start) and hold some of my deep feelings
about my inability to lose weight for the last decade or so. I was hoping to
log in and write every single day and while I do have thoughts on the subject
every single day, I have not been successful at sitting and writing here each
day.

My life is about words. As the editor of a monthly community newsletter (a job
that makes me no money but requires a great deal of commitment), I am always
looking around my town for possible sources of interesting material. Most
days, I see a plethora of items but something holds me back (probably the fact
that I don’t follow my own advice “sit in chair and write”) and day after day
I find that I rely on the same old items to keep the magazine going.

Food for thought. Is ADHD my ‘label’? More food for thought.

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Negative Rumination – OUT in 2016

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My best wishes for all in 2016, let it be the year we know it can be.

For myself, I will put into practice the tips that the many wonderful, positive people
in my life have sent my way.

Minimizing negative rumination will be one of the first goals…just make it
a habit to objectively allow the negative thought to flow out of my mind as
quickly as it came in!

Celebrations!

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The holidays are approaching (or here!) and celebrations abound everywhere
we look these days. Last night I attended a board meeting for the only
organization that I belong to these days and as a lovely surprise, we were
served a nice dinner for our ‘refreshment’…complete with a small slice
of homemade spice cake. As I sat eating my dinner, I was relieved that I
had not had anything to eat prior to arriving because it would have been
awful to turn down such a special and thoughtful treat, but also because I
would have felt so uncomfortably full and anxious about the extra calories.

Will it ever end, this endless focus on food and weight? During our repast,
I glanced over at one of our colleagues (who has lost a lot of weight in the
past few years) and noticed (unwittingly) that she ate quite a bit and repeated.
I asked myself why I was concerned with it and realized suddenly that I am often
focusing on the behavior or habits of others rather than keeping the focus on
myself. I was embarrassed, glad no one could read my shameful and judgmental
thoughts and promised myself to do better. As I write this now, I am filled
with determination that going forward, I will try to limit myself to paying
attention to what I am putting on my plate only!

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