Can it really be Friday!? It was just Monday! I have been happily going about my week and
I simply cannot believe how quickly the days fly. I keep my agenda handy; it serves a double
purpose, to write appointments but also to record my days as they fly by.
My week has been extremely productive and I have been able to accomplish lots of things this
week that I had been leaving undone! It is a great feeling. And not only that, my digestive
system is back on line and that feel great.
I will write more soon but just wanted to get in my couple of paragraphs so I don’t have
‘guilt’ to contend with as I go about my morning!
After a few days of feeling yucky, I finally woke up feeling almost 100% today.
So I decided to weigh myself, not sure when the last time was, certainly earlier this
month! A wonderful surprise, my scale registered a 2 lb. loss and I can confess I have
not felt a bit deprived because I am not actually ‘dieting’ just trying to be moderate in
my helpings and healthy-thinking in my choices.
I feel so good for a Monday, Mondays are always tough. But today, I did the laundry, I
did my laps, I just came back from my massage and I have an afternoon with nothing but
good things planned.
I hope the rest of the week feels this great, and why not??
For some reason, when I made my commitment to write each day on this particular blog,
I thought it would be a piece of cake. While swimming my laps, taking my shower, getting
dressed and putting on my make-up, entire sentences constructed themselves easily in my
mind. Alas, when actually sitting in front of the computer, my fingers remained idle,
my brain empty and all those inspired and amazing phrases that had poured out of me just
minutes previously vanished into thin air. I am actually amazed I have been able to write
as often as I have in this first month of blogging about this important issue in my life.
I have been feeling a little under the weather in the last three or four days. I felt
nauseous and a bit headachy, sort of like the way one feels when withdrawing from caffeine
and I have no doubt it has been the result of some dietary indiscretion but I cannot pinpoint
exactly what I ate that has caused this horrible feeling. I am a little better today, at
least the headache is gone and my digestion seems to be normal. I also wonder if the fact
that my clothes are tight have been the reason I can’t digest my food properly. I saw a
caricature of a normal woman with and without a corset and how the intestines adjust by
placing themselves in weird positions to accommodate the corset and I wonder why we are so
crazy and do these dangerous things to our bodies. I think that today, I will wear a loose
fitting dress or slacks and see what happens. I have always said that if you squeeze yourself
into tight fitting undergarments, you don’t lose weight, you just send the bulges elsewhere. The
best solution is to get rid of the bulges, of course, but that is always easier said than done!
For today, a good outlook, an active day and moderate and healthy eating will be my goal!
I was going to place a picture of a fat lady squeezing into her pants in this post today because that is who I am … a size 16 woman who managed to squeeze into a size 12 pair of pants that used to feel loose on me! Alas, when I went to bing.com to search for said picture, I realized that it is not what I want to see or what you might want to see when you land on my page. So a lovely picture taken by me at the beach won out.
Fat acceptance is not really big on my list of things I want to accept about me. I am currently reading a book by Jill Bolte Taylor about her experience after her stroke. Although I have read dozens of human growth potential literature in the last 50 years, not one has made the impression on me that this one is making. Ms. Taylor is coaxing me to look at life from the vantage point of my right side brain AND left side brain, rather than relying heavily on my left-side brain tendencies of being critical, rigid and a host of other practical yet unrealistic thought patterns. For today, I will accept that I sit here uncomfortably feeling my ‘muffin top’ protrude over my waistband, but after finishing this blogpost I will turn my attention to the many other (rewarding) aspects of my life. I may have a muffin top this month but next month it will be a tiny bit smaller!
Well, I went ahead and did it today! I got on the dreaded scale…I am not sure what prompted this action today. I saw my reflection in the mirror and with the sun shining on my skin, I saw that the daily application of skin lotion has made my skin glow and I was very pleased with how it looked. Before I knew it, I was standing on the scale, a ‘tool’ I have not used for more than 6 months. I was not surprised by the number, it has increased by about what I had calculated. Instead of getting off the scale angry or depressed, I became objective: Okay, you’ve gained some weight, in fact what you weigh now is about 10 lbs. more than the absolutely unacceptable number you have always carried in your head, so now what?
I proceeded to swim my laps for the first time in a week, followed by a healthy bowl of oatmeal. I thought about the reasons for this weight gain and while I would love to claim a thyroid problem, I cannot in good conscience even consider such a thing until I have really tried to curb my enthusiasm for generous portions when I eat!
So on to another day of trying to eat healthily and reasonably. I will conquer the weight or conquer the lack of acceptance for how I look. Somehow I think getting the weight off is going to always be my choice.
When I was a child, my parents made sure that we had a weekly outing somewhere so that the weekends were filled with fun and activity. At least, that was their intention. Let’s remember that back in the 50’s and 60’s there were not so many child-rearing manuals available, so parents were more or less left to their own creativity or the patterns they learned as they grew up in their families.
My parents were no different, essentially feeling that children were resilient and that life would teach them most of the things they needed to learn.
I can remember one trip to the beach many years ago. I was probably three or four years old and a wave tumbled me around. I can only remember bits and pieces of that muddled experience but I do recall that once I was rescued by my mother, I was deposited safely many feet from the waves and never ventured there again. Just writing these words gives me palpitations and although I go to the beach and enjoy other aspects of it (the sun, the sounds of the waves as they crash, the laughter of little children, etc.), you will never find me frolicking carelessly anywhere near a wave. I believe my parents made a mistake in rescuing me, well, not in rescuing me, but in rescuing me and not coaxing me back to the waves so that I could replace the horrible experience with a more pleasant one. In time, I am sure I would have acclimated to what the water in the ocean seems to be for other people (like surfers for example) and might have become a true-blue beach lover! I am happy that my children were taught to swim at an early age and are as comfortable in the ocean as anywhere else in the world.
It looks like a great day out there and I am going to make the most of it today. My eating plan is in place and, for today, I know I will be successful.
There are few things I enjoy more than being able to play a chord or two on my guitar. I am very glad that I have continued this little project of learning at least one song per month. So far, I am practicing more than last year and it shows.
Back in 1988 or so, I was very actively pursuing my college degree as an older student (33). I can remember feeling exactly like the 20 year olds who were my classmates but sensing that they did not exactly feel the same way about me. I guess I can’t blame them, 33 seemed old to a 20 year old…I am
now close to 60 and many of the people I interact with are in their mid-20’s! I can’t really recall when I stopped thinking about age as a number and feel it is more of an attitude. The young people don’t seem to care and in many ways, the interests we share transcend mere numbers or wrinkles. I am glad for them in my life for they bring the optimism of youth so often lacking in people of my own age.
I feel wonderful today, more connected to my surroundings than I have in a long time. Our daughter headed back to her campus today and although I will miss her terribly and vice versa, we are each involved in many things and don’t give ourselves the room to pity our situation. It is always terrific to be together again and catch up. And with Skype and cell phones, communications can be frequent and instantaneous if we choose.
For today, I am keeping my eye on my goal and enjoying the voyage.
Actually I thought I had missed writing for a lot more days than just five! I was
filled with guilt because my accountability meter was very high and I was afraid my
commitment might be slipping…
I was at the beach on Wednesday and took a picture of the fellow that appears in this post.
He was so comfortable, it never occurred to him that he should run away from me as I inched
closer and closer to get the perfect shot. I guess they are used to people around them
I have never been a true beach fan. I find that my ‘do-do-do’ personality with its need
for crossing out things as they are done is not a good fit for the beach where the thing
to do is do nothing. It is hard for me but my family loves the beach and I earn a few
points when I make the supreme sacrifice and go with them, with a cheery smile and a
sincere desire to have fun! Alas, fun is something that I also take seriously…
So, I went and observed the many bodies at the beach. Some were modestly attired when
they could have been less so and others wore too little when they should have covered up.
No matter, I admire all who enjoy without judgment, that is what I am working on for myself.
Just accept and love and let the numbers on the scale have no bearing.
Later when I went into the changing room to get back into my clothes, I saw a woman who was
unabashedly changing in full view of everyone in the room. She was probably pretty close to
me in height, weight and age but with none of my inhibitions. Age and weight have put a toll
on the woman’s shape but she seemed to be fine with it. Me? I went into a private (and tiny)
dressing room (without a mirror) and shielded everyone from having to witness my body in this
identical stage! I admit I was jealous and felt very silly.
The week has gone very quickly. I have been super busy with my new projects and I am
enjoying myself so much I forgot to eat a proper breakfast this morning, although I did
have my fruit. The weekend awaits me and I am eager to get back to my daily postings!
What a lovely day! It fills me with joy when I hear the sounds of the church choir even though I agree that they begin too early in the morning and go on for too long! There is nothing like a group of people singing together in harmony to lift my spirits and make me believe in things.
The world is going crazy and I can join and pretend that nothing I do matters so I might as well not care about what is going on and just give up. But no matter what my physical appearance has been my entire life (sometimes fat, sometimes thinner!), I have never been affected on the inside and still live my life and do all the things I want. So for today, I will continue being what I always have been: optimistic, caring and involved.
Happy Sunday and a good week for us all.
On the subject of health, nutrition, diet, resolutions, etc. I find that it is helpful to blog every day or every other day. I find that it keeps me accountable and aware of what I am putting into my mouth and why. If I miss a day of blogging (or journaling, if you will), I find that it is easy to close my eyes to the reality that I might be consuming more [empty] calories than I really need to. Knowing that I will write about my experience on a daily basis really does keep me conscious of what I am doing and that is something that I really need when I am watching my food intake. I am not into scolding myself when I overeat, but I am certainly aware of it and can decide in the moment whether the extra hershey kiss is really something I want.
Flowers and nature make me happy. With all the turmoil and chaos that is presently going on around me, I find that nature and its absolute steadiness calms me. When my eyes rest on the flowers of my African violets (which bloom more often these days since I transplanted them into a coconut fiber medium), I feel grateful and certain that the cycle of life is still present.
I am happy that I met my personal goal of logging in today.