I usually observe Sundays by spending the day quietly, reading, writing and enjoying
the lack of obligations I make for the day. Although I don’t write in this column on
any specific day, I do write another blog every single Sunday and have for the last
eight years. It is a commitment and although I consider myself a writer (without any
books published or money stream generated by the activity), I find that I spend very
little time actually writing than I do researching or finding ways to not do any
writing because I am second guessing myself all the time.
A friend of mine passed away recently. His dream since I met him 15 years ago was to
be a filmmaker. He went so far as to lay out the entire script every time we met up for
coffee or a chat. Finally, one day, I asked him why he didn’t just go ahead and make
his film already, on a low budget if need be, but do it already!
He and I shared a birthday so I could understand some of the traits that made him unable
to just go ahead and film something (procrastination, paralysis by analysis, etc.) and
I eventually gave up on expecting something from him to really materialize on the big or
small screen. Still, his death was a blow to me and all of us who knew him because he was
only 62 years old. The saddest thing for me is that he died without every externalizing
his script, without making a family, without a circle of real friends who knew the deep
personal anguish he was living on a daily basis.
I feel sad today, but in a way his death has caused me to think about getting down to
business and really pounding out my novel, the book I want to read, the character I want
to create that will make people fall in love with the story. And of course, I still
want to continue to live, take care of my plants, my pets, my family (not necessarily
in that order) and of course enjoy all the things my life is offering me. I am the only
one responsible for making sure my work and thoughts get out there. They may never be
best-sellers but they need to be out there and read by others, not in my head and heart
and dying with me.
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