My middle name is Patricia and my mom always celebrated
the day by calling me or sending me a card. When her Alzheimer’s
took over, that was the end of that but now that she is up in heaven
I feel she is probably looking down on me and wishing me a good day.
I just spoke with my Dad and remembered with him. I am nostalgic for Mom today and I can only imagine what it must be like for him to have been married to her for so many years (65) and now being alone. Of course, he has his health and lots of great memories but still
What I have learned in this life is that time really does fly; that family can be or might not be everything to one but that those we hold dear should know we love them. We never know when the day will come that we will not have the chance to do it for one reason or another.
Live, love, laugh and let those you care for do likewise.
Bing.com free to use image
Yup! It’s Monday, laundry day and YAY, I’m all done. Now I am sitting at my desk
and trying to dash off a few sentences to this blog before I need to get dinner started.
Unbelievably, I actually lost another pound! I say unbelievably because though I
have not been “bad” (as they used to say in WW), I did consume chocolate cake,
cognac and popcorn last week. I tracked everything and tried to stay within reason
by not using all my points but I expected to find that my weight had stayed the same.
To my great delight, the scale registered a tiny loss. It’s not really a tiny loss for me,
one lb. after the week I had is actually very, very good. So I started the week off in a
good manner, feeling positive about the discipline and motivated to make this week
even better. My husband is doing his best to support me and I can see that he is also
considering moderating his own eating habits for the good of his health. I wish I could
do something to help him but everyone must work their program their own way.
bing.com free to share image
Understanding the motivation behind a person’s behavior is something that has always
been of interest to me. Rather than just accepting that so and so did this and that and
is now facing the consequences of the action, I spend some time reflecting on what made
them do it. I used to ponder these things out loud but realized that many people in my
circle were impatient and really not interested so I have become a “closet” thinker. I
believe that in order for me to invent a character (protagonist) that is multidimensional,
I need to invest energy in finding out just exactly what makes him/her tick. It has not
been easy or perhaps I should just say I have not had the discipline or courage to let my
mind simply focus on a subject long enough to grasp their very essence and then turn it
into narratives that will work in a novel.
I live in a really small town. It is in a developing country where recent years have found
it attracting all sorts of people who come here to do tourism and go back home, or those
who find it so laid back and beautiful that they actually commit to living here despite all
the obstacles. Some people are wonderful, bringing with them the enthusiasm they feel
for nature and living in peace. They contribute their time, their ideas, their resources so
that the community can benefit. Other people come with the intention of establishing
communities that they would not be able to have in their country of origin.
In the recent past, I have encountered people whose communities can only be described
as “cultish”, and this is scary. The leaders look pretty “normal”; their message is anything
but. It boggles my mind to see how many reasonably intelligent people are taken in by
these reckless individuals whose motivation can only be financial gain or fame. In the past
I would have exposed them at once but that was not beneficial to me so after turning 60 a
couple of years ago, I turned to the pen as my collaborator in unmasking these creatures.
They make interesting subjects for my narratives and provide much entertainment to me,
and I am hoping to capture their essence to develop my villains. Life is often so much more
satisfactory from the point of view of the observer, sitting a distance away in a comfortable
bing.com public domain image
It’s been a very busy week, still lots of documentation to gather before my father can
claim some of his benefits after my mom’s passing. It has been a lesson to me about
having everything set up and in an orderly fashion so that our beneficiaries do not have
to go through so much red tape when we go.
My mother was an incredible human being with lots and lots of faults but with qualities
so excellent that the negatives pale in comparison. I am proud of the parents I was born
to and I hope that she knew how much I loved and admired her. I faulted her for not
saying “I love you” to me very often (if ever), I now think that I am guilty of the same
thing with her.
The first time I joined Weight Watchers, I was 15 years old. I did it at my mother’s prodding
because I was about 20 lbs. overweight at the time and she was fat also and decided that we
should do it together. That was in 1970! WW was just a few years old at that point and I do
remember that our “leader” was male. That has always stayed with me. I lost my 20 lbs. and
became a lifetime member which meant that I could attend meetings for free for the rest of
my life unless I went over the 2 lb. limit in my goal weight. Then you had to pay for attending.
I don’t remember why I stopped going but within 6 months, I had gained the weight back and
then some. It was not the first time I was on a “diet”, mom was always so concerned with my
weight, she was constantly looking for ways for me to lose it. I don’t remember every being
held back by my excess pounds. I was not athletic but that had nothing to do with my weight.
I was very sociable and rarely looked in the mirror except for my face and hair so I really had
no idea what my body looked like. I also made my own clothing so that it was not important
to me whether there were clothes to fit me in the store.
Back in those days, Weight Watchers terminology was less politically correct than today. For
example, if one ate a “forbidden” food (and there were many) one was “cheating”…or “bad”.
Today’s plans allow for eating whatever you like using a point system to keep track of things.
No food is bad or forbidden and no one is cheating. You simply track your points and move
on. Each day is a new beginning and that is how I have come to look at it this final time. In
the last 3 1/2 months, I have only lost 13 lbs. (slow metabolism as a result of years of dieting)
but rather than despair, I simply remind myself that this is a lifestyle change, not simply a
few weeks sacrificing to get down to a specific weight. At least the numbers are going in the
There are so many choices and “hacks” available to us these days. I feel frustrated sometimes
because I allowed the weight to creep back on my small frame after so many years of maintaining
a healthy and comfortable weight. But I will be there again and hopefully some of my beautiful
clothes will still be in good enough condition to wear them.
image bing.com public domain
I mean (a common way to start a sentence these days, I notice), I can’t believe after
making a real concerted effort to write every day in this blog, I simply forgot to sit
at the computer long enough yesterday to actually do so! The night before I was so
tired I just wrote a few sentences so as not to break the rhythm.
I have no excuse for yesterday except that I was watching Werner Herzog’s docu-
mentary “Lo and Behold” and there was a segment in it about addictions to the
internet (not worried since I am not really an addictive personality [so, why am
I fat?]) which prompted me to ignore my phone, tablet and computer for a few
hours. Then life got in the way and here it is March 4th and I am almost running
out the door to attend the local Bingo activity which I promised to work at.
My luck at Bingo has never been very good. I fluctuate between actually paying
attention and marking the card or being so entertained by people’s behaviours that
I simply sit back and enjoy the show.
Whatever happens today, I know that I will be very entertained. Right now, I need to
dash off and start getting ready to go.
A great Sunday awaits us all.
bing.com free to share image of angry leopard!
only gets done by sitting down and writing! How true it is. Yesterday I was incredibly prolific,
not sure any of my writing made sense or would be worthy of a pulitzer prize but it was plentiful
and by day’s end, I felt that I had found a nice rhythm. For this week, I would like to challenge
myself to just sit and write without worrying too much about grammar, topic, misspellings,
using words incorrectly, etc. Indeed, it is better to just sit, write and then go back and edit
than to spend a lot of time thinking about a good topic.
In my country, elections are coming up in another 5 weeks (second round). I am nervous
about the outcome, it seems to me that people are focusing more on the personality of the
candidates (neither of which got to this point by being particularly popular with anyone)
rather than their plans to get us out of debt and back on track to celebrating our 200th
anniversary with our Carbon Neutrality in place.
Yesterday I wrote a little bit about our small writers group and how one member suggested
we invite others along. Although I am fine with the status quo, I guess it is not entirely up to
me to decide for everyone else.
I have been reading and watching movies that I would not normally watch. I think getting away
from my “Pollyana-like” choices has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Some of the dark humor
contained in the recent movies I’ve watched (plus the fact that they are foreign) has allowed me
to tap into my imagination the way I used to when I was a child. Hopefully this will translate into
some kind of motivation to write more and to write different and to add those necessary traits
that will allow my protagonist to have some depth.
I went to get a massage for the first time this year. I have been doing so regularly for
the last 10 years or so but since I haven’t been home until this week, I was unable to do
it. It was wonderful. I allowed myself to just drift away under the skilled hands of my
masseuse who has known this wonderful body for the last 10 years. It felt relaxing and
While I was away taking care of all the necessary documentation after my mom’s passing,
I somehow managed not to eat very much and lost 3 lbs. It is unusual for me to lose that
many lbs. in a matter of days and I was elated when I stepped on the scale after so many
days away. Naturally, this week I have been back to eating more or less “normally” which
means adding the odd chocolate, the extra 4 oz. of wine or being a little more relaxed about
tracking. What has happened is that the scale is not showing any loss, just staying where it
is. I have today and tomorrow to curb the appetite in time for weighing myself on Monday
morning. Although I would love to say that the long-term goal is what matters, the days can
become l-o-n-g when snacks become boring and cooking is on the agenda.
For today, I have logged onto the Weight Watchers Connect section of my on-line Plus
program and I am inspired by people who have to lose so much more weight than I do
and who are not daunted by the sheer numbers. I have downloaded an app (Happy Scale)
which seems like it will allow me to add another dimension while I lose. I know if I work
the program, the program will work for me, as it has done in the past and continues to
for all who really apply it.
My goal is not only to lose weight but to get back on track with my writing, decluttering,
and preparing myself for a television debut in 2019! Best wishes to me, and may I continue
to do this just for me because I know that my health deserves it and that my family can do
with a good example to follow.
It’s kind of ironic! My last post was on the 30th of December, posting about the birthday
celebration we had for my father. I was excited about the end of 2017, a terrific year for me.
I ended that post by saying that I had my three priorities in a row for 2018 (lose weight,
concentrate my energies on my writing, and tackle my weed-filled small area and turn it
into a beautiful garden.
All plans are made to be changed, and mine were no different. On January 1st, my mother
passed away. Although it was not unexpected since she had been in the last stages of her
very long illness, it was a shock that she died on the first of 2018. It was almost as if she said
to herself “Let my daughter enjoy the end of 2017 since it has been a good year for her, and let
her realize that she has only so much control over some things.” It was so like my Mom.
In any event, we took care of everything related to this life event and after two weeks, I am
finally at home and ready to begin my year anew. It is wonderful to share with you all that
in the last two weeks, I have been careful about what things I put in my mouth and I happily
report that I have lost almost 9 lbs. since the beginning of December of my Weight Watchers
journey. I am thrilled with that number and have already seen the benefits of the weight loss,
not only on how clothes fit me or how I look in the mirror, but also in terms of my self-esteem
and the physical endurance I seem to possess right now.
My mother was my world growing up. I stayed close to her, despite our different perspectives
on many things, for my entire life. Although her illness was hard to watch, I did not ever feel I
would be prepared for her passing. Back in August, I broke down when talking to my daughter
and I shared that I didn’t know how I would face a life without her. But I believe in God, and
God gently nudged me in the direction of acceptance. Seeing my mother’s peaceful countenance
confirmed that she had gone quietly and hopefully without any pain.
I am now the second oldest of the many cousins I have. I might as well be the oldest since my
older sister has more or less abandoned the family. I feel it is a tremendous responsibility but
also a great honor to be the “matriarch” of our tribe…
Happy 2018 to us all.
image: bing.com free to use and share
Today was my dad’s birthday. In his honor I made a wonderful lunch, gathered some
friends and family and went to his house armed with plastic plates, cutlery, etc. (to save
clean-up) and we had a blast. My niece took some lovely pictures which were later sent
to me…I have said it before, I cannot accept the person in those pictures as being me…
it is just bizzare. I feel like the normal weight person I was for so many years but pictures
reveal something else.
You know how so many people try to make one feel better by saying, Oh the camera adds
ten pounds, you’re not really that heavy? Well, I look at everyone else in the picture and
can confirm that how they look in the picture is exactly how they look in “real” life…so it
stands to reason that what I look like in the picture is also how I look in real life.
After almost one month of pretty much tracking my food and staying on the program, I have
lost 4.4 lbs. This is wonderful news, I am not taking anything away from that, obviously I
am on the right track. There is no reason to believe I won’t continue to lose modestly but
lose just the same and that by this time next year, I will be that normal sized gal (or close
to it again. I now have to lose 31 lbs. instead of 35 lbs. and I think that’s great. If I lose
4 lbs. per month, I will do it in less than one year…and who knows, I might actually get
closer to what I really ought to be losing (about 50 lbs.) if I stay on track. As I said, there
is no reason I can’t stay on track, the WW Freedom plan is really just that.
Aside from the project weight loss (which is my priority), I also intend to really work on
two other priorities: making real advancement on my writing AND making a proper small
garden to replace the haphazard weed plot I currently have. I think these three priorities
for 2018 are feasible and I am eagerly anticipating being able to accomplish them. Right
now decluttering is also important but it is no longer my priority. I have lots of room and
feel great, one bag at a time to work on is marvelous and I will start with that.
My very best wishes for all of us for 2018.
bing.com free to use image
Because the week is getting away from me and I probably won’t be able to write
very much until next week, I’d better get this done now.
I have been happily following along with my new WW program and I am delighted
to report that I actually do feel a little bit hungry. It is a good sensation that is causing
me to be a little more creative with just how I am going to spend my point. I have
become reacquainted with recipes that are delicious but healthy and I am hoping to
continue on this path. What’s to stop me? The scale is showing a decrease in the still
very large number and that is a motivator.
I am hoping for a great finish to the year and I am very excited to welcome 2018 with
lots of new projects that will hopefully be reachable.
My project of de-cluttering my body has evolved to include de-cluttering the many
clothes and magazines that I am no longer able to keep hoarding. Best wishes to me
as I continue on this path.
bing.com public domain image