2024!

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It’s mid January as I pen my first entry of the year on my most followed site.

I have mixed feelings about the writing I have been doing in the last few years. I go from defending my talents and my right to call myself a writer to admitting that my writing in my life has never brought me a single penny. A few weeks ago I was a bit startled by my husband’s declaration that “nobody is arguing that you are a writer”. I had not realized how often I share my doubts. My ambition is not money though. My ambition is very simple: I would like to see my name on the spine of a book in my bookcase. I can pay to have a book published my husband reminded me and I was quickly subdued! I have hundreds of Sunday newsletters that I feel are worthy of editing for minor mistakes and publishing. Why haven’t I done it?

My communications skills (verbal and written) have been present since I can remember. I do not consider myself shy or reserved. In fact quite the opposite although I will admit I am a conservative person who prefers to observe rather than be out there directing. On the other hand, if I have to be out there directing because people are just standing around idly wasting time or uncertain about the next step, I take my mother’s prerogative that it is better to do something even if one makes a mistake than to stand around doing nothing. But I digress, uncertain where that will lead. So back to my focus, writing!

This morning I received an email from a writer I had subscribed to on Medium. Since he was also writing for Substack, I guess I ended up on his email list. When I quit my “freelance” adventure on Medium, I lost the “right” to read any writer beyond a certain point, stopped by that incessant paywall I refuse to honor. I know paid content is the thing these days but it is not my thing. I have to be careful how I spend the discretionary monthly budget I allow for frivolities from my small social security check. It was a surprise to me to see an email from him so I was incentivized to read it. He was tweaking his settings he explained. There were people on his list who had unsubscribed to his newsletter and he apologized and asked us to unsubscribe again so he could get a handle on what’s what. I decided I would read his newsletter before taking that action.

It was a serendipitous event. In his post he reminds me of why I write in the first place: I have something to say that only I can say the way I want to. Somehow I took away from that that our writing has to be from the heart, not some cloned copy of writing we think is what the public will respond and pay for. He also shares the title of a book he considers his favorite of the last decade (!) and I went over to my digital library to see if they had it for me to borrow and they did. I was fully prepared to pay for it, that’s how much respect I have for this man’s recommendations, but in the end there it was, free to borrow and in stock.

I began reading the first page…astonished about what other people can do with words and wondering how many stabs it took before every word that fought for its very life made it into the sentence. Wow! Some people can really write complex long sentences that are clearly understood from the beginning to the period no matter how many words they contain. That is my goal, to be a clear communicator, a good storyteller, to capture my audience. I am so glad that I read from beginning to end.

My writing has to improve in 2024 as a simple acknowledgment that things improve with practice. My aim is to entertain and inform…and to enjoy the process. Here’s to me and here’s to you. Happy 2024!

The Holidays are Here!

…and with them lots of opportunities to celebrate, indulge, gain friends, touch base with family and generally enjoy planning what we will do in 2024.

2023 has been a very difficult year. I won’t be sad to say goodbye. On the other hand, my weight loss has been a boost and not something I take for granted. The total for the two years that I have invested in my health has shown that I can sustain a healthy routine. I am proud of me for that. I am just a couple of pounds away from my goal…but boy are they taking a long time to come off. But they will.

If you have been a loyal reader of this blog, I thank you. I realize my posts have been erratic.

Happy Holidays.

Weighing Thoughts

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My progress on WW has been very good this time around. I am committed to seeing it through to maintenance. I hope it happens in 2023. Mid year would be fine but end of the year will be just as savory.

I have chosen this mindset to stick with because eating is something we all must do to stay alive. Calories in and calories out will always be the answer regardless of what plan we follow. For me, WW is the only option. I am really happy with the changes they have implemented over the years, especially for people following the plan for the first time. Gone are the words that were used in the past to make us feel guilty for indulging our sweet tooth. The resources for support are everywhere and while the accountability will always rest with the individual, the more one engages socially, the better the overall outcome.

My participation in WW groups has increased my feelings of connection. I not only receive feedback, I often give some. When I was a younger person, I delighted in being the person others looked to for answers to things. It made me happy to provide comfort to the confused or inquisitive. As I’ve gotten older, I participate less and less because I see that time if flying and that my own projects often end on the back burner because I am busy doing others’ things. If I don’t take my projects seriously then I can’t expect other people to do so, can I?

When I turned 60, I became more ambitious for myself. Perhaps too much. I decided I wanted to take guitar lessons. I decided I wanted to write a proper book. I decided I wanted to devote time to family-tree investigations. I decided I wanted to become an expert in both African violets and orchids. All this on top of being part of the board of directors of the local nursing home, taking care of the housekeeping at home, visiting my father on a weekly basis, and just life in general.

Fast forward 7 years (minus a couple for covid-related restrictions) and here is where I am: took lessons for 3-4 years and haven’t even touched my guitar for a couple. My “work” on the book is piecemeal and not very impressive though I have attended a writers’ conference that I enjoyed a lot. The family tree work is going okay; I will be taking a course in March to learn to properly conduct the research. My plants are not dead but they aren’t going to win any competitions either. I did extricate myself from the board of directors (yay!).

Today, I begin anew with a fresh outlook. I’ll be posting updates regularly. Stay tuned!

Commitments

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Commitments made and not honored rank high on my list of pet peeves. As it is a pretty long list, the fact that it ranks high is significant. The reality of my own recent inability to fulfill my writing commitments irritates me. Becoming irritated is not going to solve anything at this moment, let’s just let that pass.

I am writing here today because I don’t want the month of October to be over without having at least one blog entry to show for it. My month has been like everyone else’s: filled with some sadness at the limitations we have had to contend with during the last 2 years and the ones that will come up during the next couple of months as we head into 2023.

As I sit and review the 10 months of 2022, I want to make full use of my focus as I sharpen my thinking to discern what actions I need to take to measure up to the goals I had set for myself in the beginning of the year. I have done remarkably well in the priority goal which was to lose 25 lbs. I am at a loss of 24.1 lbs and should certainly reach my first goal before year’s end. I had not fully committed to the WW plan until July when I purchased a brand-new, ultra-modern scale. The initial shock came as I realized that I actually weighed about 7 lbs. more than I had thought. I took my time (and patience) to update all of my data to reflect the new and worrisome truth. Since then, I have done my best to remind myself at each meal what my aspiration was: see where it led me if I didn’t give up. I am glad I followed through. This morning I was very pleased with the number on the scale even though I am still considered “obese” by purely metrical standards. It’s okay. For today, I accept and will continue to follow the program as best I can for optimum results.

I won’t make any promises about the future (regarding my weight or my writing) but I do hope to reach the many of you who continue to support my site.

What a Difference a Smile Makes

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I went to the supermarket after my hairdresser’s today. What a difference to see all the shoppers smiling. At first I didn’t realize that being mask-less was the reason everything felt different. I think it is the first time in 2 1/2 years that I have been out in public and noticed that very few people were wearing masks.

I was not one of them.

I don’t know what to think anymore or who to ask about whether or not the CDC recommendations are worth anything these days. Did I really hear that there is supposed to be some kind of reorganization there? Did I make that up? No, I just researched it and it seems that a revamping of the 12,000 employee institution will take place soon.

My upbringing taught me to doubt the people in charge. I don’t think my parents were very vocal about it but one can always tell which way parents think by observing their behavior. My mother was not the type to buy us pills to ingest whenever we had a headache. She was the kind to offer a cup of unsweetened black tea and saltines as a remedy. Having that unpalatable cure made getting sick less enticing. I knew where she was going with that “reverse” psychology and I admit I did similar stuff to my kids so they wouldn’t depend on outside cures but instead try alternative solutions like breathing, resting or meditating. I am not sorry I did it; to this day my kids avoid taking anything for pain if they can stand it.

But I digress. Seeing the smiles and recognizing people was a very welcome event. I have not had my fourth shot yet but I think I will do it because if nothing else, I will feel psychologically protected as I go about my days. We are slowly returning to “normal” and “normal” in our town means smiling, greeting, sharing hopes and news. And that makes all the difference between a good day and a great day.

Another Good Week

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My second weigh-in on my fancy scale did not produce the same impressive results as the first but it was still a loss and I am happy. I have another 4 weeks left before Labor Day, the end of the current challenge I set for myself to lose 6 lbs. I have lost 3.8 so far. I think it is doable if I can stay the course. It has not been that hard, though I do miss the daily bit of whiskey I was having!

I followed the first two weeks of the Mayo Clinic Diet and surprisingly did not read ahead to see what the third week and beyond would require. It gives very little in terms of “guidelines” and is all about lifestyle change rather than diet. Too gentle for me but I am going to continue to be stricter in the hopes my loss will accelerate a bit and I can reach my goal.

When I was “normal” weight all those years ago, I was truly a happy and well-adjusted person. I am not saying that the same is not true today but I confess that I am frustrated by not being able to reach into the closet (yet) and pick out any outfit and be secure that it will fit. I did have some wonderful NSV this past week though. I was able to fit into slacks and blouses that I was ready to pass on to the donation pile. Some of them were favorites. When they actually fit me, I could feel my whole body get a little taller. That is very significant and a wonderful incentive.

Keep following me for more accountability.

The Month of July Vanished

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The curtain is closing on another month. August 1st is tomorrow. Although Friday is the day I am supposed to write in this blog, Friday came and went and I didn’t write. In fact, I have not written in this blog all month, even though I had high expectations and many good intentions.

Good intentions…the road to?

Life is precious. Each morning when I wake up, I remind myself that every new day offers the opportunity to begin anew. These are two thoughts that enter my mind often. I have no excuses and will attempt to get back to my routine (I love routines, frankly) during the month of August. July was filled with intentions but also with concrete accomplishments that had nothing to do with writing but everything to do with my ongoing health ambitions.

I purchased a proper scale during July. It shocked me into realizing my previous scale was off by about 7 lbs. (not in my favor)! I was disappointed to admit just how heavy I am but more than ever determined to stay the course for the rest of the year. I have been slowly losing weight since January…very slowly. The new scale gave me the opportunity to begin anew. I pulled out a Mayo Clinic book I had bought a couple of years ago (never opened) and committed to following their plan for the first two weeks. I was very strict about no sugar, no alcohol, no snacks…I lost 3 lbs. I have never before lost 3 lbs. in one week. I did not starve, was in good spirits, had energy. I will continue with the same plan this week and then read what the advice is for the following weeks.

Although the focus these days is not on the scale, the focus for me has to be and the word “diet” is not a four letter word personally. I like knowing in advance what I am going to eat, it works better for me.

Perhaps in old age, I am finally giving myself permission to honestly admit that I do not enjoy being uncomfortable with tight clothes, when walking up a flight of stairs, etc. If being overweight was healthy, I’d be all for it, but it is not for me and so I call a diet a diet, not a lifestyle change…when I am (again) at my best weight (which is still higher than the recommended weight for my height), then I will implement everything I learned from the discipline into my new lifestyle. Hopefully that will begin in January 2023. Follow me for accountability!

Loyalty, Is It Overrated?

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Now that we have all had a chance to consider the effects Covid-19 has had on our social life and the changes we have experienced, we are being asked to return to life as we knew it. Looking at it from the perspective of business owners who probably owned massive amounts of real estate that is currently empty, one can sympathize why they would insist their employees come back to the office. It is not the same experience from the employees’ point of view and I, personally, can identify with both sides.

My initiation in the shipping industry began when I was 18. I had taken an entry-level job for the sole purpose of saving money until the Fall when I was going to begin my college career. After a few months, I realized how much I enjoyed the freedom of paying my own way in life. Pretty soon I began to think about other educational options that would allow me to continue to work. I settled on an Associate’s Degree in Secretarial Sciences at night. I loved the Secretarial Sciences, I never had ambitions to be “something more”. I made a very decent salary and I felt that my functions were essential to the smooth operation in our office. If I were in the working world today, I would call myself an Administrator but back then it was customary to do more than what you were getting paid to do and not complain because one was happy to have a job.

The shipping industry in which I worked tossed around the words “a following” when placing ads for recruiting people. I never understood what was meant by it until after the interviews were concluded and people were hired on the basis of their “following”. It occurred to me often that if the new hires did not work out (it happened), they would take their following with them to the next place. There was no loyalty to the company, the following’s loyalty was to the person who understood their needs and coddled them.

I have been blogging on WordPress for the last decade. Because my main focus has been to sit and write and therefore improve my writing, I have never paid that much attention to the importance of reaching out to try to get more people to follow me. When I looked at my various blogs and added how many followers I currently have, I admit I was a bit surprised to see that it is close to 1,000. I feel a certain responsibility to write regularly and I have been doing that but without too much feedback, it is hard to know whether what I write is reaching anyone.

I write with my readers in mind, an exercise that I find both limiting and illuminating. This writing circumstance is something that I am now exploring over on Medium.com where I have recently become a paying member. My reasons for starting off as a paying member were to support writers like myself but I also thought I would be participating in getting some income. To my disappointment, before I can even sign up for the participating plan, I need to have at least 100 followers on Medium. I think I have 8! In order to import some of my followers from WP into Medium, I need to be better acquainted with whatever algorithmic AI makes that decision. So, while I feel a little bit bad about splitting my loyalties between WP and Medium, I think it is too soon to give up on either.

Any thoughts?

Social Work is Under Appreciated

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I have been thinking a lot about my mother today. She was a social worker. She was an activist. She was a very courageous person. From watching her, in her professional and personal enterprises, I was able to learn how groups are formed and what it takes to actually see a project go from an idea to an actual tangible thing.

My mom was a big promoter of “teaching a man person to fish, not handing out the fish” so that the person would never go hungry. I remember her often commenting that giving out the fish was so much easier and met with less resistance by almost everyone but that it was not helping the person who needed to learn how to get along in life when things were not easily given to him. She thought I would be a good person to follow in her footsteps in a helping profession, never quite understanding that I was exhausted from just watching her explain herself time and time again to reluctant students. When she confessed the extremely low success rate in really getting people to actively participate in their lives, I simply told her that my ambitions were very different.

In my own way, I do contribute to society by sponsoring young kids’ education (modestly and often anonymously) but I could not see it as a career choice for myself. These days as I get more comfortable with being completely out of my social-work type pro-bono commitments, I realize how much time and effort I did invest in the last 20 years to see very little improvement in the areas in our community that needed to be addressed. Years ago I thought it would be easy to convince people that there was a real need for a community center in our small town. I had a fantasy of a lovely building (perhaps a house that had received landmark status) with many rooms, each room used for a different cultural purpose like music lessons, art lessons, photography, needlework, etc. I had read that the Ministry of Culture was granting funds for proposals that they felt had merit.

I pitched the idea to the tourism board I volunteered with. The feedback was overwhelmingly positive. I was very eager to get started in forming the committee that would gather the documentation and submit their ideas, etc. I set up a meeting, even confirmed participants and brought members of the selection committee to accompany us that evening because we needed guidance on some of the requirements. Imagine my disappointment when just a handful of people showed up. We didn’t even have enough attendance to make it possible to form the committee. I became despondent at the lack of response and embarrassed that the selection committee was witness to it. I need not have worried they told me, and I also should not have been surprised. They had seen it all before and repeatedly. That is one of the reasons, they confided, that funds sit unused in coffers while citizens hungry for something to do in their communities sit at home languishing. It is disheartening and to this day, I don’t know what it was that kept my mother from throwing up her hands in despair and quitting. I did all I could for more than 10 years, and I do admit defeat. I see idealistic youth these days attempting to motivate change across generations and I applaud their efforts. Perhaps now is the right time, now that we have seen what two years in pandemic mode have brought to the forefront in terms of all the things that we are lacking and that we can actually do something about. I hope so.

Clock Watching is Not Always Bad

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I’ve always been a clock watcher. I never thought about it as a negative thing because I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to be where I was, I did it because I had so many things on my “to do” list that I needed to apportion my time so that everything (or most things) got checked off successfully. I think watching the clock then made me competitive with myself as I tried to do things more efficiently so that I could do more things. I realize now that as an employer, I might not have wanted that particular characteristic in a person I paid but I don’t think any of my former bosses can recall me as anything but the most efficient member of their staff. It sometimes worked against me as I was frequently the receiver of snide comments (oh you are such a brownie nose, you’re making us look bad, etc.) but I felt that my job was not a popularity contest and I didn’t really care.

I am now a retired person. I don’t have to keep a schedule but I still do. I find that I am able to enjoy my time better when I know where it goes. It’s like having an idea where I am spending my money. I don’t mind splurging for items I want but I really don’t like not remembering where I spent some of my savings because I responded to a last minute purchase that was staring at me at the cash register. I studied marketing so I can’t really complain about that, the consumer always has the last say but many consumers are completely powerless when faced with new and cute promotions that they can’t think about at the register.

My challenge for this year is to completely rid my house of clutter. I finally understood that “clutter cannot be organized, it must be gotten rid of somehow”. I have already paid hundreds of dollars for those Junk Guys to come in and haul away stuff, now I just need to fine tune some things and all will be well. The house is not the way I want yet but progress is being made. My writing is not yet where I want but progress is being made there too. And lastly, I am not the weight I intend to be by the end of this year, but every day since January 3rd has found me following my plan, tracking my foods and watching the scale s-l-o-w-l-y make its way down. What’s on your project list?