The Holidays are Here!

…and with them lots of opportunities to celebrate, indulge, gain friends, touch base with family and generally enjoy planning what we will do in 2024.

2023 has been a very difficult year. I won’t be sad to say goodbye. On the other hand, my weight loss has been a boost and not something I take for granted. The total for the two years that I have invested in my health has shown that I can sustain a healthy routine. I am proud of me for that. I am just a couple of pounds away from my goal…but boy are they taking a long time to come off. But they will.

If you have been a loyal reader of this blog, I thank you. I realize my posts have been erratic.

Happy Holidays.

Weighing Thoughts

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My progress on WW has been very good this time around. I am committed to seeing it through to maintenance. I hope it happens in 2023. Mid year would be fine but end of the year will be just as savory.

I have chosen this mindset to stick with because eating is something we all must do to stay alive. Calories in and calories out will always be the answer regardless of what plan we follow. For me, WW is the only option. I am really happy with the changes they have implemented over the years, especially for people following the plan for the first time. Gone are the words that were used in the past to make us feel guilty for indulging our sweet tooth. The resources for support are everywhere and while the accountability will always rest with the individual, the more one engages socially, the better the overall outcome.

My participation in WW groups has increased my feelings of connection. I not only receive feedback, I often give some. When I was a younger person, I delighted in being the person others looked to for answers to things. It made me happy to provide comfort to the confused or inquisitive. As I’ve gotten older, I participate less and less because I see that time if flying and that my own projects often end on the back burner because I am busy doing others’ things. If I don’t take my projects seriously then I can’t expect other people to do so, can I?

When I turned 60, I became more ambitious for myself. Perhaps too much. I decided I wanted to take guitar lessons. I decided I wanted to write a proper book. I decided I wanted to devote time to family-tree investigations. I decided I wanted to become an expert in both African violets and orchids. All this on top of being part of the board of directors of the local nursing home, taking care of the housekeeping at home, visiting my father on a weekly basis, and just life in general.

Fast forward 7 years (minus a couple for covid-related restrictions) and here is where I am: took lessons for 3-4 years and haven’t even touched my guitar for a couple. My “work” on the book is piecemeal and not very impressive though I have attended a writers’ conference that I enjoyed a lot. The family tree work is going okay; I will be taking a course in March to learn to properly conduct the research. My plants are not dead but they aren’t going to win any competitions either. I did extricate myself from the board of directors (yay!).

Today, I begin anew with a fresh outlook. I’ll be posting updates regularly. Stay tuned!

To Fast or Not to Fast…

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We had a visitor for a couple of weeks recently and as much as I would like to say the visit derailed my weight-loss efforts, the naked truth is that I have been derailed for weeks now. Yesterday, I took a good long look at my profile and it was not a pleasant sight. I am so tired of gaining, losing, plateauing, thinking about my methods, counting calories, counting points, trying to convince myself that non-scale victories are equally rewarding. Honesty is required for weight loss. We can lie to ourselves all we want but the scale and the clothes don’t lie!

My daughter has found what works for her, fasting. I think I will give it a try, I feel at this point I haven’t got anything to lose (pardon the pun!) but another couple of hundred dollars. I thought about quitting WW but I still want to check on my progress and I do enjoy the feeling of community from Connect. I admit that Oprah’s recent interview with Megan and Harry did not make me happy about her being an owner of WW but there will always be someone that we object to no matter what group we join. Just look at how badly Andrew Cuomo recently let us all down.

I am reviewing several Fasting apps. I think the best thing to do is to go premium from the start, I am happy that my PayPal account has some money in it and they keep encouraging me to purchase something with it. I might just do that. Today in fact! If anyone out there has recommendations, please let me know.

Celebration of Anniversaries!

picture credit Patricia Salazar

Today is my mother’s 3rd Anniversary of being in heaven. Although I do not attend Mass regularly, I have made every effort to observe the Catholic traditions in which my early years were steeped as far as these yearly observances are concerned . For the first 9 days after her death, we paid for the mass to be said every evening. In the first year, there was a mass every month for the year. The two years that have followed, we paid for a mass too on the anniversary. I have attended all the masses in her honor. Sometimes in the parish of her later years, and lately in the parish of the small town where I live.

My mother died in the afternoon of January 1st 2018. 2017 had been a wonderful year for me. Nothing really tragic had happened, unlike too many years prior. My mother was in the last stages of Alzheimers, bedridden for many years, but able to be taken care of at home which was one of the promises my father and I made to her. My father rose to the occasion and was devoted to my mother 24/7 for almost a decade. My admiration and gratitude to him will never be enough. We celebrated my father’s birthday on December 30th. My brother and his family returned to the U.S. on December 31st. Mom went peacefully the afternoon of January 1st. Although we didn’t need them to, my brother and his family returned the next day. We arranged the funeral quickly in accordance with local customs.

Lots of people feel heartbroken for me when I tell them she died on New Year’s. I, however, am thankful that she let us live 2017 in happiness and then went quietly the next day. It was like she had it all planned. I remember that my brother and I took turns going into her room. At one point, listening to her breathing and knowing that she had stopped eating a few days earlier confirmed what I would have been unable to accept a year before. Mom was saying goodbye but was hanging on for something. It took a great deal from me, but I leaned in and whispered in her ear that all of us were doing well. Her grandchildren were all grown and thriving. My siblings and I were healthy and happy and that I was finally at a stage in my life where I accepted that I could not hang on to the fantasy that she would miraculously regain her lucidity and come back to us. My mother was 88. I released her.

I found out a few days after Mom’s death that my brother had done exactly what I did, visited with her and released her. I have never asked my brother if he believes in those “energies” but I know that my mother and I shared a strong belief in something intangible at work, connecting us to one another. Today when I was at Mass, I felt our connection strongly. My silent, gentle tears fell soothingly. I paid attention to the words of the readings today, perhaps more closely than on other occasions. I felt comforted by the fact that mask requirements and distancing meant that no one witnessed my grief or was close enough to console me. I had everything I needed in just the spiritual connection.

Churches hold a special place in my heart. As I mentioned, I am not a regular church goer, but when I find myself inside a church, I feel powerfully comforted. I love to look around at the construction of the building itself. Today I looked up and saw the chandeliers that were hung up a few years ago, made by a good friend of mine who has since departed. The church is beautiful as can be appreciated in the picture above. All Covid-19 protocols are being observed and I was happy that punctuality allowed me to arrive before the church filled to capacity.

Happy 2021, may it bring us discernment, light and wisdom.

Missing My Mom

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Some days I really miss my mother. Not my mother the way she was the last 7 years of her life, bedridden and in the clutches of Alzheimers, but the woman she was after I was all grown-up. We were both free of the complications that were present when I was a child and teenager and we were both willing and mature enough to welcome the evolving nature of our relationship.

Our best times together came after I got divorced (at age 28) and moved in with my parents. Whatever our differences were when I was younger and living at home somehow disappeared when I came back home, a now mature (and “failed”) woman. My parents had never cared for my ex-husband, seeing trouble ahead where all I could see was a kind of emancipation from them. I was too young (20) when I married my more experienced (31) spouse. We were from different backgrounds and upbringing. Somehow, though, I thought I could handle everything and hoped for the best.

Talk about your blind naiveté. I suppose a part of me had my life all planned out. I had no idea how much of a sacrifice I would have to make to present the facade of success. Although I was quite good at hiding trouble at home, my parents could sense my unhappiness even though I never complained. I stayed married for almost 8 years. I divorced only because physical domestic violence threatened to replace the emotional violence I had been subjected to. I did not put them on the same level, the physical violence was much more frightening because it meant that I had a real possibility of dying. At least the emotional stuff was something I could deal with (or so I thought) because of its familiarity to me from my sometimes dysfunctional family!

When I returned home to live with my parents, we were able to establish some good ground rules. Our proximity did not mean we were in each other’s pockets every day. I realized that just as I had matured, my parents had also done lots of work after my siblings and I became independent, which we all were by then. We respected each other’s space and found that we now enjoyed each other’s company very much. We even began to plan and take trips together. The most wonderful one was a two-week vacation to Spain in 1990 to celebrate their retirement and my 35th birthday.

My father has always been a quiet person. My mother was very outgoing, outspoken and a lover of conversation, food and company. While Mom and I talked, my dad was often puttering with his tools, repairing things around the house, listening and occasionally adding something to the conversation if he felt moved to do so. If I needed anything done in my room and later the apartment they vacated for me, all I had to do was ask. He was pleased that I was home and that I was able to have a good relationship with my mother.

We spent 8 years in that manner, traveling, sharing weekly dinners, celebrating holidays. After I remarried (the right guy this time!), we continued to visit on a weekly basis and celebrate holidays together. My children really got to enjoy getting to know only the positive sides of their grandparents, a blessing all should know. Because of my great fortune in being able to stay at home with my kids, my parents got to see them grow up happy and without any excruciating circumstances that often destroy the grandparent/grandchild dynamic. Everyone felt blessed by each other’s existence.

My mother was well into her Alzheimers before we realized what was happening. Since she had always been an unusual person with a peculiar set of habits and beliefs, her behaviors were dismissed by me as just a consequence of getting older. I realize now that she was in decline for a long time and it saddens me that I didn’t ask more complete questions when I could have. In her later years, my dad was an incredibly supportive caregiver. We can never be thankful enough for all he did to make sure she had a good end, never going to a hospital or nursing home. I am grateful he is still with us. He is 91.

I am guarding against Alzheimers. I try to watch myself but I know that what will be will be and all I can do is make my children aware (not that they aren’t) of any obvious signs so they can act sooner than I did with Mom. We lost her almost three years ago physically, but her mental faculties were gone a good 7 years before that. I think of her every single day. This is not surprising given our closeness but every once in a while, the emotion is stronger. Today is one of those days.

Tell Me It’s a New Day!

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I have a friend who really listens when people talk. She never interrupts. She remembers little details that are shared with her and does her best to incorporate them whenever she sees friends again. For example, one time a friend mentioned she liked the heels of French bread and our mutual friend remembered it and brought her a French bread heel when we were out to brunch. In addition, she brought a small pat of butter in case our friend also enjoyed that.

It is this kind of personal detail that I think makes a difference when one works in the hospitality industry. In these days of Covid-19, travel is one of those things that is not happening in the record numbers it used to. I love to take a trip or two every year but 2020 has had me travel on the pages of Conde Naste and Travel & Leisure. Until there is a vaccine or a place that I can travel to without fear of getting sick, I am happy to stay at home.

I enjoy writing in this blog every week. This is the blog that allows me the freedom to muse about most of the real issues in my life, the ones that I am not as happy or open about sharing with those close to me but those that reflect the topics that I think about on any given day. Today I am concerned about the marching that is going on in Washington DC for our outgoing president. Although many dozens of people are out there cheering him on, taking his picture as he heads to the golf course and defending what at this point is indefensible, he doesn’t care. He has one goal and that is to get attention, no matter what form that attention takes.

My childhood in New York taught me a lot. I became street savvy and could spot a con a mile away even though in my own life I have and continue to be somewhat naive. The current con is to donate money to continue with the counting and recounting of votes but in reality it is simply a fundraiser to cover anticipated costs of defending future personal litigation. I cannot understand how people who haven’t got a lot of money are still donating to a cause that is largely lost. It is such a shame. I think now that FOX is no longer loyal to the man who supposedly made their ratings skyrocket, they will find themselves on the opposite end of the spectrum. The former fans are now anti-FOX and looking for another platform to vent their anger.

My hope is that we will move on. He will move on too, not gracefully, but with resignation (no pun intended, really). The move for the almost former vice-president is a little trickier. What will be will be, I suppose. It can’t come soon enough.

After Covid-19 is under control (and it will be)!

We are in week 3 of our quarantine in Costa Rica. I believe we have done well. There are people out there joking about all the things that have gone wrong with this time in their lives, I have not felt it has changed my life too much. I have been “working” from home in one way or another for the last 28 years so I am used to planning my own days. I feel very lucky that my circumstances are such that there is no real loss of income for me, my health is good, my children, spouse, siblings and father are all doing well and life pretty much can go on this way for the foreseeable future for us.

It is not that way for millions of people worldwide. Talk of conspiracies abounds and while I don’t like to give into that kind of energy, it is hard to argue with those who mention ideas of New World Order out there. I prefer to believe that it is just a cycle, albeit a very negative one, and that we will come out of this stronger and more focused on the ways in which we want to live our lives. What is important right now is that people listen to their innermost thoughts and try to regain a sense of balance rather than listen to those who would distract us from what is really true about this time.

And what is the truth about this time? It depends I suppose on what is happening in the place where you live. I am concerned about Nicaragua and its people. Their President, Daniel Ortega, has not been seen in three weeks, giving rise to all sorts of rumors and speculation. For my part, I feel tremendous empathy for the Nicaraguan people and I am happy to see that despite their government’s relaxed attitude about this world threat (Covid-19) the citizens are taking it upon themselves to stay home and maintain some sort of social distancing. It is hard when the leaders of a First World country (U.S.) are anything but leading. When it happens in a Third World country with even more dire circumstances, one does have to think about conspiracies, etc.

I have always felt that living in CR is a privilege most of my fellow countrymen have yet to accept. Having lived in the U.S. for more than half my life, experiencing that life as a POC (although we never used that label) has made me keenly aware of the realities facing the poor immigrants whose jobs are considered essential. My heart goes out to all the people who are losing loved ones and who must suffer their grief double knowing that their loved ones died alone. It is my hope that health worker was able to at least hold the hand of a few people as they were transitioning to a more serene state.

Let’s hope this is over soon but in the meantime, let us prepare for better days by not letting down our guard or forgetting that when we emerge from this (and we will) let us do so with better personal health, a well-established hygiene routine and an idea of what we want the rest of our lives to look like. Here’s to health!

 

From 55 to 65!

Today is my half-birthday. I cannot believe that in 6 months I will turn 65! It seems to me, I just turned 55! Well, we all know that time gets away from us all. I am going to review what the last 10 years have been like for me. Bear with me, I hope it isn’t boring!

When I turned 55, I celebrated with friends and family in a trendy café in one of our malls. We were enjoying laughter and good food and I was feeling especially happy and young. To be honest, I don’t feel a day older. It was 2010. We took lots of pictures with whatever camera was available at the time, and when I reviewed the pictures, I felt as if they had been taken in a studio where I was a talk show host. It filled me with such delight that I decided I would revisit the idea I have always had about being an entertainer. The camera seemed to love me. I looked poised, relaxed and ready to interview a guest.

At the time, I was just ending my presidency in our local Chamber of Tourism. I was feeling elated about having more time to devote to the things I really wanted to do without so much responsibility. I was also heavily involved in writing articles for our local expat magazine. Although I had no idea what the future held, I was very optimistic. I officially left my position on the Chamber of Tourism but unofficially I was still quite attached to everything that involved it. I loved my community and although I could see that a Chamber of Commerce was more appropriate, I continued to work in the sector as tirelessly as I always had been. Later that same year, the editor of the local expat magazine told me he and his wife were going back to the U.S. and begged me to take over the magazine. It was quite an undertaking that I wasn’t sure I wanted but I have always been unable to say NO when I feel no one else could do the job. I kept working for the Chamber until 2013. I edited and wrote articles for the expat magazine until I decided to end publication in March 2017. It seemed like a good time and the right thing to do.

In 2014 I challenged myself to become a radio host (the next best thing) and I had two weekly spots for 6 months. I also decided to take up playing the guitar. I don’t know what I was thinking. By that time, my mother was in the last (long) stage of Alzheimers and it took its toll on me and the rest of our family. She passed away in January 2018, followed by my older sister 9 months later. It was all so bizarre.

After my mother passed away, I decided to take a step back to breathe and I began to explore the idea of writing her biography. It has been more than two years and I have not done a very good job. Every day I sit and ponder but I rarely sit and write. Yesterday, I had sudden inspiration and wrote a lengthy post about her cooking. I am hoping that it will spark other equally motivating stories that I can compile for my children and their cousins.

I have stopped all volunteering except one which will conclude in June 2021 unless I can find someone to replace me this June. I continue to take guitar lessons, interrupted when I travel but advancing nicely. I no longer have my radio shows but I am as committed as ever to explore the talk show host idea.

So there in a nutshell is the last decade. There is more, so much more but that will have to wait until another time. In the meantime, let us all continue to take care of ourselves, be present for those who need us and remember that time flies whether you do something with it or not.

 

Royalty-free image of radio show

Social Media Is Getting Old!

In the wake of how nasty our world has become, I have decided to put a time limit of 30 minutes per day for catching up on my Instagram and Twitter feeds. Naturally, almost every day the five minute left reminder comes up and I comply and do something else until the next day. I find that 30 minutes is enough to get a gist of what is trending on a day, jot down a few notes and then go into my browser to get a fill of whatever that day’s topics are. It works for me and keeps me from wasting precious time that I would rather use for reading, writing or generally living my life.

It is depressing to read about how our day to day existence has come to rely on social media. All those “influencers” do not convince me for one second that their lives are better or more fulfilled than my own. I rather pity them and their constant need to rack up followers and the stress it must be for those influencers to have to come up with daily doses of interesting posts or pictures to comply with the hiring policies of their employers. I wouldn’t give up my freedom for anything in the world. Then again, I have already lived many more years than these young influencers.

It occurred to me yesterday, as I beheld a small infant who is not related to me, that I am living my last decades. As hard as it is to accept that, it has also been strangely motivating and liberating. I am motivated to live my best life and liberated by knowing that I have much control over how I want to live that life. Do I want to continue to volunteer precious free time to causes that will take decades to show improvement? No, I think those days are over for me, and I don’t feel a bit bad about it. I suppose that is the great thing about getting older. It is not that I don’t care, it is that I don’t care enough to continue to spend my time doing work that will be benefitting people whose needs I might never know. Selfish? Well, personally, it is about time I became a little selfish.

public domain image of social media icons.