Monthly Archives: June 2017

Father’s Day!

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Here it is again, another Father’s Day celebration in which we must/should all
remember our dads. My dad is a quiet man whose perseverance despite all the hurdles
he’s had to face inspires me. I watch him as he tends to my mother who has been
bedridden for these last 6 years. It is amazing because I am not certain that if the
roles were reversed, she would have been able to do what he does for her day in and
day out. He is not a perfect person but he has qualities that I deeply admire and
for which I am thankful.

I was reading the other day about a book that recently came out called “Hunger” by
Roxanne Gay. I just finished reading an interview and I also came across some very negative
comments directed at a woman in Australia who also interviewed Ms. Gay prior to the launch
of her book and who then made some very unkind comments in the introduction. Backlash from
the public made her delete her comments and apologize but the damage to Ms. Gay was done and
I can identify with how cruel people can be about fat people either directly to them or
behind their backs.

I am not sure right now where I am in my weight loss/body image journey. I never really
think about being fat until I see pictures of myself where I don’t recognize me as me
but resemble my much heavier older sister! I think it is an ironic kind of punishmen,
self-punishment if you will, since I used to wonder how my sister “allowed” herself
to become so fat. I have had plenty of pictures to look at recently, as my son’s wedding
photographer took and sent us over 1,000 pictures to choose from. On the one hand, I look
too fat to me, on the other hand, I also look extremely happy! I joke that I’m never hungry
(a true statement) but I also know that being winded after climbing a flight of stairs or a
short hill is an aspect that might be changed if I lost a few pounds.

Anyway, my ramblings actually had to do with remembering that my father never, ever made
any comments about my weight when I was growing up. I understand too well the connection
between trauma and weight and always resented Mrs. Obama’s assumption that obesity in
school children was the product of unhealthy foods; it is a much more complex issue.
I believe that there really are ways in which our brain lets go or holds on to our fat
but most “normal” people can’t get that idea and focus only on food consumption. It is a
very complicated journey and as soon as I am finished with a few books I have recently
purchased, I will probably buy Hunger and see where and if I can identify
with Ms. Gay’s take on it.

Happy Father’s Day!

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No procrastination

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It’s a terrible thing to admit but I have always been guilty of putting other people’s
projects, chores, responsibilities, etc. ahead of my own. Now that my children are
all grown up and I have the luxury of many additional hours in the day when I can sit
and write to my heart’s content, I find I look for ways to procrastinate so that by the
time I actually do sit and begin writing, it is time to do laundry, or begin making
dinner, or go out to do errands! In order to get that best seller written (and I do think
I have one in me), I really need to put tush to seat and get going on it.

I’ve been reviewing the many events in my childhood that have made me the person I am
today. #45’s narcissistic behavior mirrors the behavior of many people I have met in
my lifetime, including a sibling and an ex-husband. About my sibling, I remember so
many actions that make my blood boil 50 years too late! It is amazing how some things
stay with you.

I am reading a book about Kabul. Every day life there (for women especially) is so
hard (when compared to the Western world) that I wonder how it is people still go through
the motions each day. For poor, uneducated women, there is little to celebrate, in the
book it sounds as if they are slaves and must do whatever they are told or face beatings,
starvations, humiliation, etc. I pinch myself every day that I have a great life filled
with opportunity and financial security. Even in the darkest days of my childhood, I
cannot recall feeling so put upon and burdened. I hope one day the people there may
enjoy knowing what possibilities exist outside their own dark surroundings and can
somehow find their way to them.

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