Monthly Archives: October 2017

Happy Noise Pollution!

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My husband is away this week so I’ve been taking care of the many things he
is usually in charge of. That includes getting up around 5:30 a.m. to make the
coffee and let our dog out for a run and then feeding her. This morning, I am
keenly aware of the many birds we have on our property that are usually gone
by the time I make my appearance a couple of hours later.

I am amazed by how many different songs there are and just how loud they can
be. Their joy is immense and I suppose all the reforestation we have done over
the years has made our grounds a safe haven for all of them. It is incredible to
observe them flying joyfully from tree branch to tree branch, partaking and
sharing in Nature’s Bounty without ever getting into each other’s way. I feel so
grateful for this Tropical Paradise that never lets me down. I breathe in the
goodness that permits me to forget the chaos of the world as I welcome the
strong sensations of peace deep in my soul.

This week has been an unexpected opportunity to connect with the very fibers
of my being, to delve deep within myself in silence and calm to discern and try
to prioritize the things in  my life that bring me contentment and strength. I
bless everyone and everything in this moment as I begin the daily routine that
I have come to appreciate.

Have a good day.

 

Pixabay image

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A hurried childhood

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I had a friend visit me on Saturday afternoon. We enjoyed coffee and pastries
and talked about our respective childhoods. I am not sure why we ventured on
this particular topic but after our visit was over, I noticed that I was feeling a bit
guilty about some of the things I shared. In retrospect, however, it has become
apparent that there are things about my childhood that I hold on to and that are
actually therapeutic to get out of me into the open.

One of my observations to myself this morning is that I really was robbed of my
childhood. At a time when I should have been bored by the long summer days of
gazing into the atmosphere with nothing to do like my classmates, I was instead
doing errands or chores because there was no one at home to take care of those
things, both parents working, older sibling out having fun, younger siblings needing
supervision and snacks. I was too busy to resent it, really, though it did take a toll
on me and my idea of what childhood should be. As a consequence, I grew up to be
a very responsible and serious woman, although I do know how to enjoy myself also.

I am one of those people who can be counted on. I know this is a blessing to many
but it is often a burden to me. Right now, my husband is traveling. Due to that, all
the responsibility for managing our complex household and pet falls on me. I don’t mind
it; it actually makes me very organized because I want to do all the “extra” duties I have
and still have time left over to indulge in the things I want to do like writing my blogs.

Because I grew up mostly without television, I didn’t know who Mister Rogers was
until after I saw the parody Eddie Murphy did on SNL. I suppose I looked him (Fred)
up or was somehow exposed to him by some young mother colleague of mine. I became
an instant fan of Fred Rogers and I credit him with my penchant for having a proper
house wardrobe that I will only change into when I am ready to relax. I actually dress
to shoes every single day even if there is nothing on my agenda but doing laundry. Hey,
you never know when someone is going to come to the door and ask you to go somewhere
exciting but it has to be quickly. I love the transition magic that Fred Rogers employed
when he changed to sneakers and donned his cardigan. When my children were young,
they began to understand and know by what I was wearing (a caftan or duster) whether
I was really home and relaxing. Although my style of housedress has changed over the
years, the comfort they take when they see me via skype or facetime wearing home
clothes is palpable. Who knew Eddie Murphy would have this kind of influence in my
life!

Musings…

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It’s almost five o’clock on Sunday afternoon. It turned into a very busy
weekend with activities early Saturday morning until just an hour ago.

I am a lifelong Yankees fan and while I realize the Yankees have a young
team again and we should feel optimistic about chances of World Series
winnings in the next few years, this year it is not to be. I am torn between
rooting for the American League Astros or the National League Dodgers
even though former Yankee Don Mattingly is no longer their manager. Wow,
these are truly superficial first-world problems and I am embarrassed to even
admit these thoughts to anyone but the anonymous internet!

I was at a birthday party today. My husband is away so I attended alone. It was
the celebration of a first birthday for the child of close friends of mine. I was without
a doubt the only non-family member present. Although I knew a lot of the people,
I still felt a bit odd about being there, yet not going was equally not acceptable.
The theme was Minnie Mouse, the decorations, costumes, piñata, cake, etc. were
wonderful. They even hired a DJ who did his utmost to get the audience to take
part in his many clever and fun games. As a writer, I am almost always comfortable
to observe behaviors but today I was a bit uncomfortable to note that the response
from the audience would have made any party planner quit midway in disgust. My
congratulations to the young man who never gave up, smiling through it all. Perhaps
because I am so used to directing events, I found it hard to just sit quietly and let
the event unfold. In any event, the food was good, the cake outstanding and I had
the chance to take many pictures of the happy family.

Tomorrow begins a new week. I have been reading a book called Diary of a Fat Girl
by Lisa Sargese. I am not sure how I found it, probably some pitch by Amazon or
other Kindle book providers who follow my interest in food/weight related reading.
I am really glad that I purchased the book, Ms. Sargese’s sharing of her story has
given me a desire to renew my commitment to maintaining my health while losing
a few pounds. I have always wondered if really heavy people (+400 lbs.) suffer
constant pain but I have never had the nerve to actually ask anyone. The reason it
is of interest to me is that at my current weight (about 185 lbs./short frame), for the
first time in my life, I find it difficult: to climb stairs, to walk without becoming short
of breath, to bounce in and out of chairs like I once did – even at 150 lbs. Ms. Sargese
is candid with her story and addresses things that have never occurred to me.  She
is very smart and hard working and has managed to lose quite a bit of weight in the
last ten years. I have found myself questioning whether I really want that second cookie,
that extra butter, those few nuts. At the end of the days in the last week, I have been
going to bed with a lovely cup of green tea and just the tiniest hint of hunger. I feel good.

Today, I dressed for the party in clothes that did not feel extremely tight and I ate the
food presented to me slowly, enjoying every morsel. I hope this trend continues, I know
that if I successfully lose just 30 of the 50 extra pounds my small frame carries, I will be
so much freer to continue to enjoy my life. I know that part of the reason I don’t feel so
compelled to lose the weight is because I am not keeping myself from doing things. I go
out, I volunteer, I write, I have my parents and children and a lovely selection of good
friends. Still, I would like to fit into some of the cute outfits I still hang in my closet, not
the size 6s but certainly the 12’s! When I look at pictures of me 30 lbs. ago, I long for
those days.

image: pixabay

Not a quite a month ago!

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While doing something completely unrelated to my writing, I ran across
pixabay, a free image site! What a lovely surprise. I chose these vintage
pocket watches because they are a really great way to remember about time
flying…it seems impossible that almost a month has gone by since my last
blog entry. September seemed to go on forever and now October is beginning
its last third. Unbelievable.

So much has happened this month. I returned from my cruise with much
energy and optimism that the final months of 2017 would be spent doing all
the drudge work I had put off because of various and sundry reasons until
now. It has been a good 4 weeks away, though I do feel that I am writing on
a daily basis in one way or another.

I’ve been reading the diary of a woman who has lost hundreds of pounds. Her
story humbles me. My own weight issues seem silly by comparison, even though
the reality is that whether one has to lose 20 extra pounds or 200, it boils down
to the very same thing. I am inspired by her ability to address the sad episodes of
her childhood; the frank way in which she calls her mother a narcissist, the way
she describes her deep conflicted feelings surrounding her struggles.  I am finding
more inspiration in the compassionate way she has learned to love and accept her
body and wish her the very best going forward. As I sit alone (my husband is away)
with the luxury of alone time, I feel blessed that I can savor many of life’s pleasures
(a small bit of high quality cognac!) without a bit of guilt. May this feeling last for
a while, it’s a good place to be.