The world of the SciFi writer has always intimidated me. I don’t believe I have the kind of creative mind that can conjure up these special worlds, write complicated stories about them, configure plots that back my protagonists into corners and then rescue them. It just seems so hard. I have always wanted to write literary non-fiction, stories with meaning and purpose rather than just stories to entertain. And yet, so many people simply write for entertainment’s sake even when the stories they are telling scare us, disgust us or make us laugh. I suppose the purpose of creative writing is that it has no real purpose except what the author wants it to have, which is to either make money or engage the reader. Getting a reader to purchase your book, and read it hopefully in one sitting is certainly a challenge that not every author can rise to.
But actually that is not what I wanted to write about here, this blog is essentially created by me to externalize my frustrations with my body, with lifelong dieting and deprivation and with my complicated relationship with my now-deceased older sister. These days of Covid-19 have had me truly in a meditative state. That notwithstanding, however, last week I seemed to have averaged 9 hours per day on my telephone (which doubles as a computer, I might add) a 42% increase over the week prior to that. I know exactly how and why it happened and it scares me.
Last week, we saw many protests around the murder of George Floyd. Adding to that was speculation about the number of people who were expected to attend 45’s rally in Oklahoma. Then the surge in deaths and numbers of Covid-19 victims in certain states. Added to that is stress about my own circle’s health, employment, restrictions, etc. I do recall that Twitter would let me know that I had reached my 30 minute self-imposed daily limit and that I asked it to “remind me again in 15 minutes” several times per day. Then I would go on Instagram. I confess that most of the stories were not new to me on either feed because I do not follow that many people. In addition, it wasn’t extra time that I devoted to writing and that makes me feel bad.
I have a huge challenge in my office that I am trying to sort out. I also have plans for my garden which have not been materializing because I have not been able to get to the nursery when I thought I could. I need to hang in there, as I so often suggest to the people who I write to on my Sunday blog. But I have a hard time following my own advice.
For the moment, I need to concentrate on maintaining my rhythm with my WW program by focusing on one meal at a time. I need to do what I can in my office in 15-minute segments, much the way I ask Twitter and Instagram to remind me. But mostly I need to remember that this crisis will eventually pass and that I will be emotionally, spiritually and mentally stronger and hopefully a few pounds lighter.
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