Monthly Archives: October 2015

…and here comes November!

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I read a while ago that one of my favorite authors, Wayne Dyer, wrote his books longhand!
This is a challenge that I engage in only when I am somewhere that I cannot take my laptop
to. Otherwise, I do all my writing on my computer and edit there also.

Some years ago, I tried to write my 50,000 words on a November Nanowrimo! I didn’t get very
far before something (called life!) interrupted me and I discarded the idea. I tried half-
heartedly the following year but came away equally unsuccessful. I am trying again this year,
perhaps as the old saying goes, the third time’s the charm! Let me be hopeful.

Perhaps writing (not even sure the subject and tomorrow, November 1st looms…) will
take my mind and focus away from the ever present thoughts of weight, food and life.
To any who are considering sitting in a chair every day and writing, I know what it’s all about.
As my mother used to say, everyone’s life is worth a novel, let’s write ours this month.

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Easy/Hard to Gain/Lose

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A friend of mine recently commented that it was just as hard to gain weight as
it is to lose weight, that she had been on both sides and wanted to know our
opinion…

I have never tried to gain weight…it is very easy for me to do so, just increase
portions, stack on the carbs and there come the pounds. I think it is only
difficult to gain weight if you are ill or have an aversion to the foods that help
increase weight! It takes me a long time to lose weight. As a dieter beginning at
around age 10 or 11, my metabolism probably slowed down because no one knew 50 years
ago what we now know about dieting and the bad effects it produces. I look back at
pictures of myself at age birth to around 13 and I see a chubby girl but certainly
not a grossly obese one who needed to be put on diets. I wonder what would have
happened to my weight issues if my mom had chosen to look the other way and let me
figure things out for myself.

These days, I have been absent-mindedly grazing throughout the day. I have come to
the conclusion that there is some deeply rooted problem that requires me to keep the
protection of the extra pounds. Until I figure that one out, I might be ‘stuck’ at
this weight for a while. It is not a pleasant thought or feeling, and although I
love my body because it supports me and nothing hurts, I look back at pictures of
myself 40 lbs. ago and I lament getting to this place. One day at a time, one meal
at a time…easier said than done!

collecting…

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I recently visited a friend who has lost her cherished aunt.
My friend was pensive, not her usual garrulous self. When I
ventured to ask what she was thinking about, she volunteered
that her mind kept racing back to the antique jewelry collection
her aunt’s relatives were making an inventory of. My questions
came quickly: were they pretty? were they expensive? did you get
anything? but my friend was so lost in reverie she never heard
what I asked.

Much later, when I returned to my own home, I thought about all
the gems (precious and not) that sit unused and forgotten in many
of my drawers. Every one of the pieces I own has a history but not
many people know the history because no one has ever asked me about
them. I do not feel I am going to die soon but I will die someday.
Seeing my friend wondering the origin of the pieces her aunt has
left behind has spurred me into action. I know that I must begin
to “curate” my collection so that I can take that burden away from
the shoulders of my loved ones. No one wants the job of taking an
inventory from an estate…so let it be me. Even with everything
written out and properly stored, the passing of someone we love is
is never easy and the least I can do is save my children from having
to decide what to keep, what to throw away and what to give away.

It’s all about control!

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I have a friend who is very, very thin…she prefers the kind of food that
I consider ‘diet’ food: steamed vegetables, cottage cheese, lots and lots
of water, little or no meat, taking small bites and spending lots of time
between them so that the brain can know when the stomach has had enough.
Contrast that with my own preferences: I love starches, won’t give up my
protein (cheese, beef, chicken, fish, etc.), adore pastries and all kinds of
nuts and chocolate…well, you get the idea.

I believe that portion “control” is the key to losing weight and maintaining it.
As I sit here and draft this short essay, I realize that both my friend and I are
victims of the same ‘issue’ but it presents differently in us. We are all about
control – in her case, “no one is going to tell me what, when or how much to eat”…
resulting in extreme thinness…in my case: “no one is going to tell me what NOT
to eat, when or how much” resulting in a very curvaceous body…oh well, the
struggle continues and I will begin with the whole 30 concept again tomorrow. I
had tremendous success with it and I am eager to get back to healthier eating
after weeks of relaxing my goals.

It has been a very sad month. I lost friends, family and mentors (Wayne Dyer) in
the last several weeks and I feel my self depleted of energy. Alas, I am a mentor
and an important person in my circle of influence and dare not let anyone suspect
that my inner self is experiencing sadness and emotional turmoil.

I will get back at my level of energy soon…and I can’t wait.

Have a great day!

A surprising discovery

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I have always felt that my paternal grandmother loved me without reservation.
It made me feel safe, secure and happy to know that someone was always in my
corner no matter what. In speaking with my aunt the other day, I realized that
my grandmother lost one of her children when I was only about a year old…I
suppose this is the reason she lavished her love and attention on me, love
and attention that had previously been showered on him because he was born
with a multiple of serious health issues. I never realized this before and
it was a surprising revelation that is allowing me to understand the reasons
my aunt has always been reserved in her praise of her mother.

I am a mother. As a mother, I have been very aware of the important impact
we parents have on our children. I try not to judge other people’s parenting
styles because I know how often I have made my own mistakes. As I always say
though, children are resilient. When I tell my own story of childhood, I am
shocked at all the things I have lived through which did not seem monumental when
I was living them but which now seem like very difficult challenges for a child to
go through. However, here I am, strong and happy for the experience.

The beat goes on

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I enjoy the beach from the comfort of a room, I confess that the sand between
my toes is not always a pleasant experience. However, the steady rhythm of the
waves coming and going always fills me with positive feelings, the kind of
permanence that is very comforting to me.

As I write these words, I am very aware of the swiftness of a person’s life here on
earth, even if they make it to 100. Many of my dear friends have lost parents
or other elderly friends and at this moment, I have someone close to me who is
very near transitioning. I feel a mix of emotions, surprising me most of all
because I thought I had already prepared myself sufficiently for this passing.

A lump in my throat reminds me that each day is a blessing and one which I must
do my very best to fill with positive actions and thoughts.

A great way to be greeted on a Monday!

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I have the world’s most amazing husband! I am sure many of you
would disagree but I know what I know 🙂

My husband brings me coffee and fruit before I am even out of bed each day.
I never know what kind of fruit is going to be presented to me but I know
it will be cut perfectly and that I will enjoy it immensely. After my
fruit and first cup of coffee, I make my way to the pool and do my laps.
While I am doing my 40 laps, I go into a sort of zone since the way I swim
can never be called competitive. It takes me a while to do my 40 laps but
speed is not the object, it is to make that connection with my surroundings
and then get ready for the day.

I am fortunate. My life is such that I no longer have to rush to get kids
out to school, or get on public transportation to get to work. Although I
do consider myself lucky, I also realize that it has taken a lot of years and
a lot of work to get to this point.

I began this blog to dissect every single thought about weight (or in my case
overweight) so that I could finally come up with the one true reason a normal
weight for my size has eluded me for the last 15 years or so. However, I
have noticed that I no longer feel compelled to examine the reasons but rather
I am eager to accept myself where I am at the moment, to forgive myself for the
times I ‘slip up’ but mostly to understand that the weight is hanging around due
to some unexplained reason and that maybe I just need to be steady in my efforts
and things will change.

Imagine my surprise when I opened my email this morning and found that 14 new
people looked at my blog. That’s amazing…

Each day is a blessing!

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Each morning, I hear the sounds of nature all around me. I have always
been most comfortable in tropical weather with greenery all around me. I
am blessed to be able to live my life in a place that touches me like no
other, my country of birth. Although it is not for everyone, I am truly
happy here and miss none of the attractions of living in big cities, probably
because I can easily drive to the city when the urge to go to the movies or
enjoy other city activities calls me.

Today is October 4th. The year is quickly ending and as each year, it has
had its ups and downs. The older I get, the more I try to live in the moment
and enjoy each day for the opportunities it presents me.