Tag Archives: optimism

Has implosion finally come?

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Because of who and how I am, it has been pointed out to me that I can cause other
people not to like me. The first time I heard this, it was quite a shock, I have always been
a people-pleaser so hearing that someone didn’t like me was very disconcerting. The “who”
and “how” I am from my point of view is simply that I am a perfectionist who really, really
cares about what I do, no matter if it is cleaning a toilet or writing a chapter in a book. So,
I take time to think through whatever problem I am working on or whatever assignment I
have volunteered for and I do my best to make sure the end result is satisfactory to all.

It came as a surprise also when I began to realize that many (dare I say most) people don’t
feel or act the same way. Once, when I was a PTA mom, I was told by another mom that the
school’s headmaster didn’t like me because he was “afraid” of my power. My power? I could
not believe it and when I asked her, what power? she answered that it was my power of com-
munication and convocation that he resented. I had no idea, I only know that he was totally
unscrupulous and relentless in scapegoating and sabotaging me at every turn. I ignored him
until he did something so awful to me that I simply had to stop engaging with him altogether.

It was not a circumstance unknown to me. There have been several times in my life when the
only adult choice left to me was to stop talking to someone. And so I did. But this solution for
me proved quite disturbing to him because he had heretofore relied on my inability to NOT
talk through everything that upset me. Now he met with silence and since my silence also
included everyone in his inner circle, there was no one left to tell him what I was thinking.
It was never my intention to harm anyone, I just wanted to be left alone to decide the fate
of my children’s education: do we stay or do we go? If we stay, I need to remove myself as
soon as possible from the PTA. If we go, I just need to hold on till the end of the school year
and then we could leave. We decide to go and I held on for the ride.

A few weeks went by and I noticed that more and more of the headmaster’s behaviour was
really bizarre. If I saw him coming towards me, I chose a different route. Once, he even
tried to get someone to cajole me into taking a picture with him; another time he invented
a game that would have had us face one another in a silly competition. Since I had nothing
to lose at that point, I simply declined any opportunity and left whatever arena we were in.

I continued my work as PTA mom because I had a commitment to fulfil. The strain was too
much for him, though, and a physical altercation (meaning he actually hit a student) ended
up eventually costing him his job. Although everyone thought this would make me change
my mind about leaving, it actually strengthened my resolve to always listen to that inner voice.

I bring this up because I feel politics in the U.S. is imploding. Don’t you feel it too?

 

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Learning something new every day!

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Although this is not exactly the graphic I felt was perfect for this post, it is the only one I can
put my finger on at this time. What I really wanted is not available to me and I wish for the
umpteenth time that I could illustrate because I know exactly what I want but I can’t draw it
and no one else will even come close to the picture in my mind…I don’t think I can learn how
to illustrate at this point in my life, so I will just have to assume my readers know the learning
I’m talking about is not necessarily book learning or technological learning, although those are
good too.

I suppose the kind of learning I am talking about is a little more amorphous, if you will. It does
not translate easily into structured graphs or codes…instead it is the learning that comes from
living each day in an awake state. An awake state means that in this world of bizarreness (because
what other word would describe where we are in the world today?), most middle of the road
humanoids can still separate what kinds of things are simply NOT acceptable conduct for human
beings. It is impossible to live a day when we don’t hear about really awful people doing truly
unspeakable things against their families, communities, employers, and they do not get called
on it. It is not possible that those of us (and I believe most of us are) who are ethical, honest,
persevering, optimistic, etc. can continue to stand on the sidelines as if current political and
human rights violations are being carried on as if it was okay. I believe that all of us can do at
least one small thing each day: from making sure our children don’t witness in us the kind of
behavior that they would later copy and not blink because this is the environment in which
they were raised.  Think of the Trump kids. They are not aware their behavior is not right
because of the environment in which they grew up and their father before them and so on…

Not sure how many of my readers are political…the family currently in the White House
simply does not belong there. Things fall by their own weight and I believe it will not be
necessary for the common decent person to do anything more than simply wait it out.
There are strange men and women in those offices now. Something’s gotta give…

You know how after you read a mediocre book, you ask yourself, heck why did I spend money on that, I could have written it? Well, I ask myself why I never went into politics. Any clown can win, obviously, and I have always wanted to be a clown…no offence to clowns by the way.

I’m so scattered right now, as I am sure many of us are. There are real stories, fake stories, real stories about fake stories and fake stories about real ones…if you are not feeling the stress, then you are simply
not AWAKE…Set the alarm!

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This girl is on fire…

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I was listening to Alicia Keys yesterday and I felt wonderful when that song was playing!

Maybe enough with the negativity and going back into the past, maybe what I need is to
simply change all the silly voices and enjoy whatever the rest of my life is going to be.

I got a new car today! A gorgeous vehicle that will probably be the last one I buy in my
lifetime; nothing to be sad about, I have a lot of years left in me, God willing but another
brand new car is probably not in my future since it is time to begin to scale down the outings, the expenses, etc.

But for today, it is great and I feel great!!!

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A month gone by, really?

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Wow, it hardly seems possible that almost a month has gone by since my last entry.  But that is exactly how life goes, before you know it, the day is gone, the week is gone, the month is gone…well, you get the idea.

What has transpired for me in the last month? A lot of soul searching which usually takes me to the same thoughts, over and over again.  I am determined to stop this crazy cycle but before I know it, my thoughts (the same negative ones) invade my space and keep me from doing what I know I need to do in order to: write my book, lose weight, and declutter my beautiful home.

I go away for a week next week and I am very excited.  Hopefully this week will find me doing some of the things I know I need to in order to get ready for my adventure.  I need to remember to go to the bank, to pay some bills, to get some money, to charge my camera, to launder and press a few outfits to see me through the week and generally to give myself permission to be selfish…in a good way.

Yesterday’s massage made me aware of kinks and pains I did not really pay attention to while attending my dad and husband on their hospital visits.  Mindfully aware that all dis-ease begins in the mind, I am also determined to focus more on the things that I need and that keep me sane.

As I write this short blog, I am aware of my husband’s soft snoring on the couch nearby.  I am happy that he can rest, his operation has taken the umph out of him and I know that he is too stoic to complain of any pain but I can see clearly that he feels it. I am glad I can minister to his needs, as he so often takes good care of mine!

 

Monday Surprise!

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After a few days of feeling yucky, I finally woke up feeling almost 100% today.
So I decided to weigh myself, not sure when the last time was, certainly earlier this
month! A wonderful surprise, my scale registered a 2 lb. loss and I can confess I have
not felt a bit deprived because I am not actually ‘dieting’ just trying to be moderate in
my helpings and healthy-thinking in my choices.

I feel so good for a Monday, Mondays are always tough. But today, I did the laundry, I
did my laps, I just came back from my massage and I have an afternoon with nothing but
good things planned.

I hope the rest of the week feels this great, and why not??

A great Saturday!

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There are few things I enjoy more than being able to play a chord or two on my guitar. I am very glad that I have continued this little project of learning at least one song per month. So far, I am practicing more than last year and it shows.

Back in 1988 or so, I was very actively pursuing my college degree as an older student (33). I can remember feeling exactly like the 20 year olds who were my classmates but sensing that they did not exactly feel the same way about me. I guess I can’t blame them, 33 seemed old to a 20 year old…I am
now close to 60 and many of the people I interact with are in their mid-20’s! I can’t really recall when I stopped thinking about age as a number and feel it is more of an attitude. The young people don’t seem to care and in many ways, the interests we share transcend mere numbers or wrinkles. I am glad for them in my life for they bring the optimism of youth so often lacking in people of my own age.

I feel wonderful today, more connected to my surroundings than I have in a long time. Our daughter headed back to her campus today and although I will miss her terribly and vice versa, we are each involved in many things and don’t give ourselves the room to pity our situation. It is always terrific to be together again and catch up. And with Skype and cell phones, communications can be frequent and instantaneous if we choose.

For today, I am keeping my eye on my goal and enjoying the voyage.

A heavenly breeze

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What a lovely day! It fills me with joy when I hear the sounds of the church choir even though I agree that they begin too early in the morning and go on for too long! There is nothing like a group of people singing together in harmony to lift my spirits and make me believe in things.

The world is going crazy and I can join and pretend that nothing I do matters so I might as well not care about what is going on and just give up. But no matter what my physical appearance has been my entire life (sometimes fat, sometimes thinner!), I have never been affected on the inside and still live my life and do all the things I want. So for today, I will continue being what I always have been: optimistic, caring and involved.

Happy Sunday and a good week for us all.

First Sunday in 2015 and a stunning rainbow

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I was a bit busy this morning and unable to post here but I had promised myself a daily post and did not forget all day.  When I returned home from my many errands and visits, I was rewarded with this wonderful view and I just had to share it.

January (so far!) is looking good and I am optimistic that 2015 will really allow me to manifest the many ideas and desires I want.  It is my hope for everyone in my life, in my world.