Tag Archives: Geneen Roth

Remembering my childhood!


obese youngster clipart

Whenever Geneen Roth tells us her weight story, she mentions that she when she “quit”
dieting, she was about 50 lbs. overweight, had one sundress that fit her and decided
that she was the only one who could make choices about what went into her mouth. A
year after making this monumental decision, she had reached her normal/goal weight and
never looked back. She became a pioneer (author, coach) in the world of weight loss and
has maintained her normal weight, which is a relief to us all, I’m sure.

When I was a child, I was chubby but not yet obese. My mother suffered because she
was very concerned about what people would think of her since she believed (or knew)
that it was her inattention to me that made me overeat. I don’t remember much about
the causes, I enjoyed eating and since my grandparents had a small grocery store, I
never had any reason to go hungry. My father (then and now) has never made a single
remark about my weight although it has gone up and down my entire life. I guess it
was something that just never entered his “circle of concerns”.

Today is Father’s Day and I feel particularly happy that I can look back and know that
my father’s love for me transcended whatever number was on the scale. I’m sorry to say
that until I was a young adult, the subject of my weight was never far from my mother’s
mind. I can still remember how she tried to hide the disgust she felt when she saw the
bulges on my back, even though she herself was not exactly thin.

I have not been thinking too much about weight these days. Back in April, I was in
New York where the most delicious foods and desserts are everywhere. Because I was not
motivated to cook, I ate fruit for breakfast, yogurt or a small sandwich for lunch and
dinner out. The portions of dinner were so large that I actually could make one order
last two or three nights. When I came home, I had lost 5 lbs. and I knew it even before
I set foot on my scale. I was pleased with the way my clothes fit, 5 lbs. on my small
frame might not be noticeable by others, but I sure could tell. It was a sort of victory.

Fast forward one month: my husband cooks lovely, calorie-rich meals and although I am the
boss of what I put in my mouth, I find it hard (for many reasons) to forgo the food he has
lovingly spent hours preparing. I need to revisit the subject because I know it is not about
his wanting to sabotage or anything like that. I can control what I eat for breakfast and
lunch and even dinner…but sitting in front of the television afterwards makes me crave a
glass (or two or three) of wine with some accompaniment. As I said, this is something that
I need to revisit.


Throw away the scale?


scale with feet

In telling her story, eating disorder expert Geneen Roth mentions that she once
wore the same dress for a while because it was the only thing that fit her. A few
days ago, I found myself with an almost equal dilemma. I have gained a bit of weight
again in the last few weeks and it seems to me, I am wearing the same two or three
pairs of slacks (thank goodness for the stretchy, yet elegant, fabric!) with different
blouses to make it through the week.

I don’t remember whether Ms. Roth encourages us to keep the scale or get rid of it,
but I have decided that for me, it works better if I keep it and get on it at least
every two or three days. Many years ago when youth was on my side, I could boldly
approximate whether or not I had gained weight by just how my clothes fit. These
days, it is not quite so clear and I was shocked to find myself at exactly the same
weight a few days ago that I was when we ended December 2014. During this year, I have
lost and gained the same 10 lbs. That had never happened to me before, I either lost
the weight or gained the weight but I have never begun and ended a year on the same
number. I am not sure if I should be happy or sad about this.

But back to Ms. Roth. Her writing is very inspiring. Her story is heartbreaking and
at the same time uplifting and she has been able to help many people who are suffering
from eating disorders. Her books have helped me too, but like other times, the help
was temporary; not because of her but because of where I have been in my journey when
her books and I come together. Today, I am feeling positive. I want to write about my
journey and peharps this daily logging that I am doing will make a strong habit in me.
After all, I would like tomorrow’s log to reflect what today’s will: that I was able to
eat normally and healthily.