I have been participating in NaNoWriMo and decided to write my memoir. It is amazing how the writing flows when the story has already played out. What I am most surprised about is the various segues that occur when writing about events in the past. I notice that my older sister comes up in my life so often I have to ask myself if I am writing her story or my own.
My sister’s behavior towards me starting in our childhood looms over me as I write. She passed away a year ago, unexpectedly at the age of 65. I feel like I had already grieved her passing because we had been estranged for a few years and I never expected that we would make peace, we were just so different, it was a difficult relationship for me. The funny thing is that I don’t think she ever saw it that way. In my writing yesterday, I was able to see that I had been emotionally battered by her all my life and that being a victim of emotional battering by several people was just a pattern I developed and felt comfortable with. I hope those days are over for me as I begin living my 65th year. I am a senior citizen now, writing is my current passion and I know that I need to start saying “NO!” to a lot of things so I can fully investigate and honor this creative side of my being.
My children seem to be thriving, that is the one big worry that is always in the back of my mind. I know that I need to trust that all the tools their father and I and their education have given them are enough to navigate the current chaos we live in but I still think it would be great if we could be physically much closer than we are currently. But we have all made our choices and fortunately we have a strong family connection that makes it possible to communicate often.
Writing in November in this structured way is a wonderful jump start to a lot of people hoping to write their novel. Why not believe that it is possible for me too?
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Although this graphic looks like it is only for enormous success, I feel that the really small step
that I took yesterday to eat a healthy breakfast instead of a tasty one is very worthy of celebrating.
My mood was good all day, even though it was Monday and I have a lot of trouble getting “started”
on Mondays after the couple of days of relaxation. Tuesdays are good for the most part because I
try not to schedule too many errands so I can devote myself to writing. It is incredible that this
morning I was done with shower and dressing early but have spent the last 5 hours trying to
schedule an upcoming cruise that I will be taking with my daughter later this year. I guess I had
forgotten that looking at dates and cost comparison plus the regular interruptions mean that my
unrealistic expectations that it would be done in a flash were not correct.
I am trying to read and write more regularly but it does take some discipline. I am very pleased
to see that my efforts have culminated in a few more visitors to this blog which is really a kind of
drafting place where I am a bit more unreserved in the topics that I share.
This morning I found out that someone who I thought was a friend has sold his property and
moved out of the country. Upon hearing this news, I was a little disconcerted because I was not
aware a drastic move like this was in his mind. When I asked myself a few more questions, I
realized that we were “friendly” because he worked on pools and I have one but I don’t know a
single thing about him or his wife because we met only on a professional basis. That is when it
became clear that true friendships are hard to come by, especially as we get older.
So if you have friends you care about, share things with them and make sure you let them
know how you feel. Life passes by and each person that touches your life should bring meaning
to it and vice versa.
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I spend so much of my time writing, I forget that I have this specific blog to write
about weight issues on. Days come and go and ideas flash into my head but I rarely
actually sit and write in this particular blog. I am not even sure how I feel about that.
I met a woman recently who shared that although she has had a blog for a couple of years
and writes in it very infrequently (like maybe 10 posts in that time), she has had over
60,000 visitors! That figure baffled me so much that I decided to visit it myself. I did
take note of the fact that she was not lying about the number of visitors…skeptical me
though, did think that maybe more than 59000 were her own visits! Isn’t that terrible?
So, I then read the entire post and came away with a feeling that it was a very readable
entry and that perhaps people deserve to read some more of her works. That led me to ask
her about why she so seldom wrote and she replied that she was a good procrastinator and
that the days never seemed long enough to do what she needed to do and then sit and actually
pen something not knowing whether or not it would actually be of interest to anyone who
happened to visit her site.
I am amazed by the number of people in my life who say they want to write and equally amazed
by the number of people who don’t enjoy reading and who rarely put pen to paper to write
sentences, let alone entire paragraphs. My life has always involved words. These days
I wish I had paid more attention to my inner workings and had learned how to draw since I
think I might have a book or two in me that could also contain illustrations, but it is
tough to find an illustrator who actually can get inside the mind and inner workings of an
author to make their drawings match what the author intended.
Well, I’ve done my very best today to put down some words that might or might not be of
interest to those of you who visit on a regular basis. My apologies for the lengthy
absences between posts. My goal has never been money or number of visitors to my blog
but like someone else posted recently, having visits to a blog is extremely motivating.
Being motivated keeps one writing, writing as a daily exercise can only improve content
and delivery unless of course one is a person who shouldn’t be writing to begin with!
Have a great day, thanks for stopping by.
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The above is a loose translation from Spanish that older people use
whenever they are deciding how to react to news of delays, disappointments,
etc. I never really “got” it when I was younger but now that I am 60, I
do find that I understand exactly what it means. If I want to do something,
I’d better get going, there is more time left in the universe than life left
in me…truer words have never been written!
I began this particular blog a year ago with a view that it be private (although
I shared it publicly right from the start) and hold some of my deep feelings
about my inability to lose weight for the last decade or so. I was hoping to
log in and write every single day and while I do have thoughts on the subject
every single day, I have not been successful at sitting and writing here each
My life is about words. As the editor of a monthly community newsletter (a job
that makes me no money but requires a great deal of commitment), I am always
looking around my town for possible sources of interesting material. Most
days, I see a plethora of items but something holds me back (probably the fact
that I don’t follow my own advice “sit in chair and write”) and day after day
I find that I rely on the same old items to keep the magazine going.
Food for thought. Is ADHD my ‘label’? More food for thought.
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