Tag Archives: metabolism

No Looking Back


In my last post on this blog, I asked about what the world will look like in 2021. I wrote that my world has not changed very much since the pandemic and its restrictions because I was mostly indoors anyway. But this week has held so many changes it is hard for my feeble brain to get around to documenting them all. This is not the intended purpose of this blog which is mostly devoted to health, weight and dieting, so I will focus on that for the moment.

I wake up each morning and the first thing I do is check my emails. Although I have long been retired from the remunerated workplace, I still like to keep abreast of the issues and I do subscribe to newsletters that deliver the news of the day. An hour or two can be spent reading material. Then I go to the pool to get my laps in (during the week) and by the time I step out of the pool 45 minutes later (lots of laps, slow swimmer), I have figured out everything that is wrong in the world at large and in my section of it and all the ways I can fix it.

I can’t fix anything of course and by the time I am finished with my breakfast, the real tasks of the day begin for me. I promptly forget all of the societal ills that had plagued me earlier and get on with my day. I write for a while. I do housework, concentrating these days on decluttering with real purpose. I take a few minutes to water my plants, contemplate the outdoors, make decisions for the week, etc. It is a very rewarding life and even though I sometimes believe myself the recipient of some lucky award, I know in my heart of hearts that getting to this point in my life has involved overcoming many real obstacles.

My recent weight loss journey has been very slow. My metabolism was never fast, even in my youth, probably a result of constant dieting. In the last couple of months, I have given up alcohol and chocolate entirely. I have restricted consumption of sugar and flour, limiting myself to an occasional teaspoon of sugar and one slice (or equivalent) of bread. I have seen slow but steady progress and that makes me feel optimistic that I might get closer to my goal by the year’s end. I am in no hurry, I am working towards lifetime changes not quick fixes that will result in regaining the weight and then some more. I know how it works.

The current situation in the U.S. with peaceful protests turning into opportunities for misbehavior by some sectors has made me think that there is almost no point in dieting when the world might not last. I slap myself out of that attitude as quickly as I can and return to the utopia that I like to imagine. Me at goal weight going into my closet with the hundreds of options and reaching for any outfit with confidence because I know it will fit. I had that life once and there is no reason for thinking I cannot have it again.

Onward and forward, as we say in Spanish…don’t look back, not even to get a second wind!


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More random thoughts on fat…


I have been thinking about the post I wrote yesterday. I wrote that I could say someone was fat because I am fat and know that we prefer to be called fat rather than overweight, etc. But when I woke up this morning, I realized that it’s not true…we would rather no one singled us out for description of any kind. On the other hand, I am a writer. That means that when writing fiction, or a screenplay for example, there are elements of a person’s physique that need to be described. If a character has a big nose, or crooked teeth and these are aspects which are somehow important to the development of the story, then they must be described as such. I am not sure what I am thinking is translating properly onto the written page but I am going to continue to write without too much editing. I don’t think there is much danger of lots of people visiting my page, it is an exercise that I do mostly for myself because it (blogging) is by far the easiest way to make sure I write every, single day.

My mother was always preoccupied with my weight. I have never felt it as much as I have in the past couple of years (probably because I weigh more than I ever have in my life!) and I see my mom every week as she lies on her bed and stares vacantly at her surroundings. My mother was fat during most of her life, although she did have a couple of successful encounters with Weight Watchers. She worried all the time about my weight and decided to go to Weight Watchers once herself so that she could force me to join her. I was only 15 at the time and really didn’t have the wherewithal to refuse. It was a very bad thing to refuse my mother anything, she could be very unpleasant to be around although at the moment it escapes me what particular thing she did to make
it so. Yell? Silent treatment? Physical violence? I really don’t remember because I mostly complied with her directives and kept her happy. But I digress.

Mom has been bedridden for more than 6 years. She has dementia. She is cared for at home because she was a very hard-working woman who was smart about making sure that when she retired she would have a steady source of income. She continues to earn her keep by living. I am glad she is alive. I love my mother beyond words even though our outlook on life and people were so different. Anyway, back to the weight thing which is on my mind constantly even though I have tried all kinds of ways to simply accept the fatness and move on. I went to renew my driver’s license earlier this week. They took my picture. I compared my picture to the picture they took 6 years ago, the last time I had to renew. 6 years ago was probably also 40 lbs. ago. How did this happen?

I am never hungry these days, probably because I rarely skip a meal or a snack. I would say my weight has been the same for the last 3 years and each morning I wake up with new resolve to have a “good” day. In the evening, I do enjoy a bit of chocolate and one or two small servings of cognac! Gotta be about 500 calories right there. In my opinion although there are no good or bad calories, calories are calories and whether you have “thyroid” problems or not, too few calories will make you lose weight and too many will make you gain weight. I need to give up something during the day so that I can indulge in my tiny slice of heaven in the evening. Today for example I ate a large croissant for breakfast with butter (not very much) and a tiny bit of jam. I just tallied an approximation of calories and it is about 600 since the delicious-tasting croissant was on the large size.

I am fat and I am very short and my metabolism (probably from dieting) has always been very slow. When I am in New York, I walk a lot and since I am mostly on my own, I find that I am too lazy or absorbed in other things to cook or go out for dinner so my eating (though healthy) does naturally scale down. My calorie intake is reduced and I am usually 5 lbs. lighter when I come home. I would love to blame my husband’s cooking on my weight gain, I would love to say I have a thyroid condition, I would love to say anything…but the reality (and I am good about facing reality) is that I have gotten older, it is no longer easy to lose weight and I have not been very diligent about portion control. My husband is already planning lunch, I am not hungry! I will not skip lunch but I think it will go in a different direction from breakfast. Perhaps a bit of cottage cheese and some vegetables. I am actually looking forward to that.

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Easy/Hard to Gain/Lose



A friend of mine recently commented that it was just as hard to gain weight as
it is to lose weight, that she had been on both sides and wanted to know our

I have never tried to gain weight…it is very easy for me to do so, just increase
portions, stack on the carbs and there come the pounds. I think it is only
difficult to gain weight if you are ill or have an aversion to the foods that help
increase weight! It takes me a long time to lose weight. As a dieter beginning at
around age 10 or 11, my metabolism probably slowed down because no one knew 50 years
ago what we now know about dieting and the bad effects it produces. I look back at
pictures of myself at age birth to around 13 and I see a chubby girl but certainly
not a grossly obese one who needed to be put on diets. I wonder what would have
happened to my weight issues if my mom had chosen to look the other way and let me
figure things out for myself.

These days, I have been absent-mindedly grazing throughout the day. I have come to
the conclusion that there is some deeply rooted problem that requires me to keep the
protection of the extra pounds. Until I figure that one out, I might be ‘stuck’ at
this weight for a while. It is not a pleasant thought or feeling, and although I
love my body because it supports me and nothing hurts, I look back at pictures of
myself 40 lbs. ago and I lament getting to this place. One day at a time, one meal
at a time…easier said than done!