Tag Archives: control

Renewed inspiration

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I will be mother-of-the-groom in a few months. The colors have been chosen and the styles are pretty much up to the individual and I love getting dressed up! However, I have not had any success in finding a lovely dress (and I do want to wear a dress) that will fit this gorgeous round body…so since I still have two months in which to try to lose a few pounds, I have renewed enthusiasm for it (weight loss).

My personality is the type that actually enjoys routine and following guidelines. I think that my recent (well, it’s been about two years) lack of discipline in the food area has caused not only a big weight gain, it has made me feel scattered and quite honestly a bit unhinged. I know that not eating and overeating have their roots in having to be “in control”. I get that it is not healthy to always want to control things but I also realize that the weight gain is a terrible thing for a woman of my height, age and desire to wear some of the pretty clothing currently still hanging in my closet. Decluttering has brought me face-to-face with reality: I will never get back to a size 6 nor do I want to, the food sacrifices were really too much; but a size 12 would be nice and very realistic. It’s funny to realize that when I saw my picture at size 12 I almost fainted, I was so fat! Now at size 18, I long for the days of a slim 12! Gotta keep up a good sense of humor.

I am eager to put together a meal plan for the coming weeks. I know that when I am really motivated, I have tremendous discipline and I hope that coming days and weeks will have me journaling positive things on this blog, just for me.

We are living exciting times. Times that allow us to be thin, fat, gay, straight or in between, to be working moms or stay home working moms…and that means that if I want to be thinner rather than accept the extra, cumbersome fat I carry around my small frame, then I can embrace that part of me too.

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It’s all about control!

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I have a friend who is very, very thin…she prefers the kind of food that
I consider ‘diet’ food: steamed vegetables, cottage cheese, lots and lots
of water, little or no meat, taking small bites and spending lots of time
between them so that the brain can know when the stomach has had enough.
Contrast that with my own preferences: I love starches, won’t give up my
protein (cheese, beef, chicken, fish, etc.), adore pastries and all kinds of
nuts and chocolate…well, you get the idea.

I believe that portion “control” is the key to losing weight and maintaining it.
As I sit here and draft this short essay, I realize that both my friend and I are
victims of the same ‘issue’ but it presents differently in us. We are all about
control – in her case, “no one is going to tell me what, when or how much to eat”…
resulting in extreme thinness…in my case: “no one is going to tell me what NOT
to eat, when or how much” resulting in a very curvaceous body…oh well, the
struggle continues and I will begin with the whole 30 concept again tomorrow. I
had tremendous success with it and I am eager to get back to healthier eating
after weeks of relaxing my goals.

It has been a very sad month. I lost friends, family and mentors (Wayne Dyer) in
the last several weeks and I feel my self depleted of energy. Alas, I am a mentor
and an important person in my circle of influence and dare not let anyone suspect
that my inner self is experiencing sadness and emotional turmoil.

I will get back at my level of energy soon…and I can’t wait.

Have a great day!