When we first moved into the little town we live in, my only thoughts were of
living my life in peace away from the hustle and bustle of the city and definitely
enjoying the big change that this tropical jungle was from the cement jungle of
New York City in which I spent most of my childhood and adult life.
Now that I am following a more disciplined and healthy eating routine, I find
myself focusing on other things besides food. The food aspect is easy so far: I
plan my meals, track them and then get on with my days. I go to bed a little bit
hungry each night but it is manageable and I have not lost any sleep. However,
the fact that I am not grazing all day means that I am also not “stuffing” my
feelings with food, something I frankly never thought I did. Now, though, I have
come to the realization that maybe I have been doing that and for longer than I
Back to my original reason for bringing up my small town. We arrived here almost
16 years ago to a brand new modern home that took more than one year to build.
Almost instantaneously, I was introduced to a woman who would catapult me into
a position in town that I never sought or enjoyed but found difficult to extricate
myself from once I unwittingly committed to different projects. My plans to be just
another citizen enjoying the benefits of a rural existence and having time to make
jewelry, read, devote myself to writing, learn to embroider, etc. came to a halt because
I set myself up to have many, many responsibilities. I am one of those people who can
always be counted on to see a project to the end while the previously mentioned woman
was the “my way or the highway” sort of gal.
When I finally (after almost a decade) began to resent the constant interruptions in my
life, phone calls at all hours of the day or night, unreasonable demands on my time and
other resources, and started to respect myself enough to make boundaries, the woman
turned on me without hesitation. I had been unaware that we were not friends, that’s
how naive I was and how manipulative she was. The awakening was very hard for me to
face and now looking back, I wonder at myself and my capacity to have withstood all that
I did for so long.
But this is not a post about whining or feeling sorry for myself. Au contraire. I have
recently been approached to help someone achieve something they want, NOT something
I want. My initial response was an almost automatic “yes”…in other words me committing
to a project that did not originate with me…because I don’t want to let my “friend” down.
Not having food as a substitute is allowing me to think deeply about this “friend”. He
wants to ingratiate himself with a certain group in town that he believes I have influence
over, which is actually not true! I have been able to step back this time and ask myself
whether or not my time should not be spent on my writing, my family, my hobbies! Old
me would have asked him to elaborate on his idea so I could see a way to carry it out for
him. New me (or on the way to becoming New Me!) is busily trying to find out why I still
have the idea I need to curry favor with everyone. It is making interesting food for thought
with the added benefits of coming without any calories!
bing.com public domain image