Large, cute, fat round bird is the description of that clip art beginning this post!
It is definitely cute as am I except that I am a small, cute, fat round woman! I can’t
believe that I can actually write that and accept it as being the objective reality right
now of my physical manifestation. The inside of me feels exactly the same at this age and
weight as it did 40 years ago when I was normal weight and very young! Wow, it is so
refreshing to feel at peace with this, a new normal I hope to pursue.
I’ve been quite busy these days, helping my customers navigate the different processes
that allow them to remain permanent residents in the country. It is always fun to meet
new people who have other concerns on their mind besides whether or not I look the part
I am about to play in their lives (competent consultant!). It’s an incredible rush when
someone hugs me at the end of a complicated translation ordeal and tells me the words that
I have always responded to (more than money!) “I/We could not have done this without you!”
Although I know they could have (it would have taken longer, not been as much fun, etc.),
it is always nice to be acknowledged and recognized for having expertise in something.
From now on, I will stop pretending that my skills just came with me when my parents
“ordered” me from the stork. My skills are a result of my dedication, ability and desire
to help people. It’s been a great week!
Natalie Cole died in the first hours of 2016. Nothing could have made me sadder and
as I read the news I thought of all the things I say to myself when I feel I am not
perfect…little realizing how much rejection hurts.
Geneen Roth reminded me the other day (on a recording from a workshop I “attended”
five years ago) that it is vital to be grateful for every single moment we are granted
to breathe and live and have the opportunity to change our life. She says something like
what would the people who died today give for one more minute or one more day on earth?
Rest in peace Natalie, may you be reunited with all those you love up in heaven.
image of Natalie Cole, Bing.com
As I write my regular Sunday blog, I usually listen to music for meditation or
other relaxing, inspiring music. After I finish my writing, I browse the You Tube
channel for other kinds of music and let someone’s playlist go on for a while. Today
I happened to begin with Richard Marx and then the playlist segued to the gorgeous
voice of Whitney Houston. I felt at once exhilarated by what her voice was like and
incredibly saddened by what became of her. I could actually hear the deterioration
of her voice as the years went by and I am overcome by grief for the years her
destructive addictions robbed from her precious life…and her daughter.
When I was a child, I loved to sing, fancied myself a future chanteuse! My mom was
never fond of this idea saying singing was fine as a hobby but not something worth
entertaining as a career. Like the obedient child I was, I put the idea away but
continued to sing every chance I got. I married a controlling man many years my
senior when I was just 20. He didn’t like any singing and scolded me any time I
sang so I soon stopped and realized just some months ago that I have gotten completely
out of the habit of singing and that my voice (never anything special) is no longer
even what it once was. But I still can carry a tune and I think I should begin to
sing once again, even if only in the shower!
It’s the first day of Christmas! From where I sit, I can hear a radio playing and
a bird singing but the rest of the atmosphere is hushed and it doesn’t seem a bit
like the Christmases of the past. It has been a difficult year for me on many levels
but I have never been the kind of person to dwell on things so I guess this year will
be no different.
I look forward to 2016 with an optimism not matched by recent years. I anticipate many
new and exciting adventures and I am open to meeting new people and finally letting go
of others whose interests and leanings no longer reflect the person I am today.
For today, may I enjoy a day free of bad habits and in good health and good cheer.
I live in a tropical country where Christmas is celebrated in the ‘summer’.
Christmas carols in Latin American tropical countries are joyful, happy,
songs in stark contrast to the solemn traditional carols of the U.S. where
I spent most of my youth.
As I sit in my living room and look at the beautifully decorated Christmas
tree, I am conscious that today does not feel like Christmases of the past.
Perhaps it is because my children are not all here; our daughter is here but
she is heading to the beach in a few hours and our sons are still in the U.S.
and while one will arrive between now and the New Year, one son will remain
where he has been for the last few months.
My parents stopped putting up a Christmas tree after we were all gone from home
and I never thought the same would happen to us but I notice that every year
I take out less and less decorations because dismantling and putting things
aways is honestly a bit of a chore.
The real reason for celebrating Christmas (the birth of Jesus and the optimism
with which his arrival was met by people who lived at that time) will never change
whether I decorate or not and this makes me feel some comfort, at least some
traditions will never change.
I can’t say I’ve seen too many films with Elizabeth Taylor in them, but I can say
that she was one of my favorite movie stars, a celebrity who personified glamour for
me and who actually made me believe (when I was young) that if you did your best
to look “put together”, your days could be easier.
Ms. Taylor battled lots of demons in her life, not the least of which was the
fight she had with her food addiction. Despite that, though, she always looked
fantastic and I loved her attitude of perseverance and optimism.
It is not easy for anyone, famous or not, to constantly keep negative things at
bay. This Christmas I gave myself two gifts of jewelry, perhaps this is the first
time that I realize I actually really like jewelry even though I rarely wear it.
I used to before I had children and now that I can again because my children are
all grown-up, I feel like I have to have somewhere fancy to go to and don’t bother
because we live in a small, casual town.
For 2016, I am going to purge all the items in my closet that don’t fit, or that I
no longer find flattering. I intend to catalogue my jewelry and use some of the
closet space to put it away in. Then I will begin to select the items I want to
keep and the ones that I want to donate. That is one of my very achievable goals.
Marianne Williamson came to my attention years ago when her knowledge in A Course
in Miracles was featured everywhere you turned. Many years later, she wrote another
book applying the concepts of ACIM to weight loss. The book came into my life several
months ago and I was delighted but I confess I simply gave it a cursory reading and did
not do anything more. Yesterday as I was dusting off my nighttable, I realized that
I have so many books on the subject of weight issues, I could devote a whole bookshelf
to them! And still the weight lingers…
Ms Williamson states that she is not a food addict but that before she began studying
ACIM, she was a compulsive overeater. She mentions that after studying ACIM for a while,
the weight came off, almost on its own. I can relate to these words because there was a
time in my life when I became so focused on other things (work, night school, 12-step
programs, etc.) I did not spend time focusing on eating every minute. I am longing to
get back to that time and at least for this week, I am determined that I will eat like
a normal human being: when I am hungry and stopping when I am full…and naturally eating
healthy food and cutting out the junk.
Today I am grateful for small things that turn into good things. I will be kind to myself
and do my utmost to suspend judgement of others. It is good to just sit back and enjoy
life one minute at a time, the way the birds do, without worrying if there will be seeds or
bugs to eat tomorrow. Someone will provide.
Every December our community holds a party for about 300 needy children so that
they can have a nice memory of the season. Usually I don’t volunteer to do more
than choose one or two “angels” to sponsor but this year I was asked by a very good
friend to make three dozen cookies…I have not yet begun to bake and the cookies
are due tomorrow morning.
I am very inspired by the volunteers who do the planning, collecting, setting up,
decorating and clean up. I was only asked to do my part so, I’d better get cracking!
As crazy as my life has been the last couple of years, I am not sure how sane it was
to think I could do the Nanowrimo this year…but there you have it, I actually did begin
something. Now though, life is getting in the way more than usual and I am at a loss as to
where and how to restart a story I began two years ago. I am sure that back then I knew
exactly where I was headed, now I am not so sure.
Lots of people write good stories, compelling ones that keep us turning page after page.
I don’t really know what made me think I had a cute story to tell, I can’t seem to write
anything at all today.
It is Monday. I did have a busy weekend. I am not at a location where it is easy to
get inspired and I never really considered what a blessing my usual location has been
for gathering material together and putting words on paper. Where I am now is a busy
city where there is lots of traffic and noise of all kinds. Day and night seem to have
no real segregation, people are doing things at all hours.
What music inspires me to write? At the moment, I cannot even decide if reggae, salsa,
classical or jazz is my muse. I guess it’s another delay tactic of my not so sub-conscious!