It’s been a whole week or more since my last post. I write every single day,
just not always get to post things.
Anyway, this past week, a cousin of mine sent me pictures of our family many
years ago. I was filled with nostalgia for the easy days of childhood.
I looked at the pictures of my mom when she was about 20 years old. She was
a beauty, no signs of the (large) person she would turn into as the years went by.
My mom experienced extreme poverty in her childhood and this affected her terribly.
She barely had enough food in her youth, so when she became a working adult and
could eat as much as she wanted, she did. This naturally led to her becoming fat
and rather sloppy in her dress since she always thought she would eventually lose
the weight so she never bought clothing that fit her properly. I am obese right
now but I cannot stand wearing tight clothes, so I do purchase nice clothing in
whatever size I am (currently 16!). I do look forward to fitting into slimmer
clothing one day but I have begun to go through my closet with a view of clearing
out things that I know I will never fit into again (size 4?, doubt it!).
The other day, I visited my parents’ home and found many lovely outfits that my
mother can no longer wear (bedridden). I took a closer look so that I could see
if anything would fit me but discovered that my mother had taken scissors and cut
out all the labels. I don’t know why she did it really, the label being gone does
not make one a smaller or larger size. I did the best I could with eyeballing!
It is sad to me to realize that I am just as caught up in the size thing as she
was…I long for freedom, not from diets or from food but from the judgmental
attitude that I have towards myself each time I reach for food.
image bing.com public domain